- DATING ADVICE: You, Him and the Not-Quite-Ex-Wife
- Dating Someone Going Through a Divorce: 8 Tips From an Expert
- 2. Look for Signs of His Readiness to Date
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This is important and he will be talking about it, so listen with a keen intensity when he does.
DATING ADVICE: You, Him and the Not-Quite-Ex-Wife
Here is a checklist:. You must be definite that he is actually getting a divorce and has not just taken a few weeks off from his marriage to "find himself" or "get space. Has a lawyer been retained? Any reports of progress are a green light that he is headed in the right direction as a possible partner for you.
Dating Someone Going Through a Divorce: 8 Tips From an Expert
Any stalling, or worse, attempts at reconciliation are red lights for you to put a stop to seeing him until he is officially, legally single. If he cannot or will not follow through on this, what kind of follow through will he have in regards to his commitment to you? Why is he getting a divorce? Does he acknowledge his role in the marriage falling apart? That is a big plus. Did they try couples counseling? If so, that tells you that he is willing to work on disagreements as well as letting you know that the divorce was not a rash decision.
If he says phrases like, "I'm not perfect" or "I really tried," take these as cues that his relationship with you will also feature him making an effort when needed.
If his discussion of the divorce is a one hundred percent blaming of his soon-to-be ex-wife, take a step back. It takes two to tango.
If, at the core, the problem with his wife was a drug or alcohol problem, she may be responsible for a big part of the breakup, but he may have developed co-dependent tendencies. This means that he needs to be part of a relationship drama instead of part of a relationship. Where is he in the legal process? Listen closely as he shares his past with you to better gauge where he is emotionally and if he has truly moved on and is ready to be a partner to you. While the length of time he has been single is important to his readiness, it is not everything. Specifically, the online dating process may be unfamiliar territory , so be gentle with him.
No matter how ready he is, getting back into the dating scene may bring up insecurities and anxieties. He may grapple with his worthiness and deservingness of having love in his life again.
2. Look for Signs of His Readiness to Date
He may feel inadequate or insecure, despite really wanting to put himself out there again. In general, moving too quickly does not breed healthy outcomes in the dating world. Rushing things can keep him from fully healing from his divorce and could put your feelings in jeopardy.
These preferences are common and are not necessarily an indication of his feelings toward you. Patience is a virtue! Having an ex-wife is very different than having an ex, especially if there are kids involved. Trying to erase her or ignore her existence will only cause resentment and dissatisfaction in your relationship. Understand he has a past that may resurface, but his previous marriage does not have to bring up insecurities in you. Along with him having an ex-wife, this is a fact you cannot change.
Understand that dating him will mean he will have to prioritize being a dad and being there for his children, affecting the amount of time he is available to spend with you. He will have to decide when it is appropriate to bring you into their lives. How do I flirt to grab a guy's attention?
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