- How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged? - WeddingWire
- is chasing someone who is taken/engaged morally wrong?
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In worst cases it causes you to put people on a pedestal which poisons what could otherwise have been a healthy relationship and seldom ends well. In less disastrous cases, it still often ends up driving the other partner further rather than bringing them closer. I would recommend you sincerely try to understand what people here are saying about the idea of the one being unhelpful and that given healthy mindsets, there can be millions of partners you could have equally successful and satisfying lifelong partnerships with.
This is not to suggest your partner isn't already one of them, in which case if course that's fantastic, but to keep you both grounded and keep things healthy.
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So you're saying there's only one person in this world that you consider suitable for marriage? Because that's what basically "the one" means.
How Long Should You Date Before Getting Engaged? - WeddingWire
I been married to my wife for 16 years. I don't consider her the one. She's awesome, sweet, caring and gorgeous. But who's to say I couldn't have found someone like her in another part of the country. That's my problem with the saying "The One. Engaged about to get married. Together for 6 years. Im not that myopic to think we met in the same town and she was the one. I would have found someone else if I lived on the opposite end of the country. I too don't think there's a "one". A columnist I read has a saying: I'm willing to overlook his flaws and the ways in which we aren't perfect, because the ways in which we are outweigh that.
Let's say you're in America and you met your wife in, let's say New York? Who's to say you couldn't have met someone with the same qualities as your wife in Miami? Like you said, there are many "a" ones. When people say "the one", it sounds like they met the ONE person in the world who could love them. And to me that's a pessimistic way of thinking.
My dad proposed to my mom after 2 weeks and they've been together almost 30 years now.
is chasing someone who is taken/engaged morally wrong?
Honestly, I can't even date someone for two years and commit to having the same socks in a drawer so I don't know how they did it My parents got engaged 3 months after they met, then married 6 months after that. Today, they are very happily divorced, but their marriage did last 25 years which is pretty substantial. My mom told me as an adult that after they got married he turned out to be completely different than she thought.
The whirlwind romance made sense to her at the time because she really felt like she knew him well but everything she thought she knew was flipped upside down after time passed. However, due to the times she "stuck it out". I don't think it was all bad, but I don't think they felt any romantic way towards each other once the kids came along. I feel like their story is important, because it's really not about the number of years you are married but rather about the quality. We kinda knew on our first date.
We had talked through text quite a bit before we finally met, but there was such a strong connection when we finally talked in person. On our second date, I was pretty sure I would never feel this way about anyone else. About a month later we were talking and realized we were both thinking the same thing, and could not imagine life with anyone else, and started discussing marriage. Several months later we were married.
Neither of us take marriage lightly, and previously to our relationship neither of us planned to marry. Sometimes you just know. It's been absolutely wonderful so far and we just keep falling for each other over and over.
I don't know if I believe in soulmates or anything, but I've chosen him to be "my one" and he's chosen me. We can't imagine it any differently and I'm happy I'm gonna get to go through life with him. I went through a similar thing where with all my exes, I pretty much saw them all as temporary girlfriends, and not life partners. With my current SO, I can't not see her as my future wife.
Got together and got engaged after a week because It was unequivocal for both of us. I knew he was "The One" about 90 minutes after meeting him. He was in the hallway when three men opened fire on him and he stopped the bullets midair with his mind. I think at the heart of this is an important truth, but I also think you won't get many answers here that address the exact question I think you are trying to ask. Overall, the most important thing that makes a relationship last a long time and "happily" is that both parties are dedicated to staying together and being happy -- and it's more about being happy with what you have than working to help the other person be happy.
Many many people in arranged marriages who hardly had a conversation before they wed are in long, happy marriages. This may even be the rule rather than the exception. My point is that getting married after knowing someone for a relatively short amount of time probably doesn't correlate much with people finding someone who is exactly for them in terms of who they are. It has more to do with a shared goal and the willingness to make the sacrifices to get there.
Also, I expect the responses here will be full of selection bias because I don't think you will hear from many people who are a few years into one of these marriages and having second thoughts. This is not something people like to brag or complain about on the internet with strangers, or pretty much anyone. This isn't even something people find easy to admit to themselves. People who are happy after a year or two, are not necessarily going to be happy after ten years.
I think an important counterpoint question, which I have seen asked here in threads full of responses is: I read very recently about an observation that generally, people either have "growth beliefs" or "destiny beliefs" with regards to relationships.
People who believe in destiny tend to have short, fiery relationships while growth focused individuals tend to take longer to "warm up" and believe people can "learn to love" another person. You may not be surprised to learn that relationships involving destiny beliefs are easier to break down, stray from, or lose interest in, while relationships more focused on growth tend to succeed at a higher frequency. My belief is that marriage is a constant, active, and intense giving up of yourself.
The giving up of your individual dreams, wishes, desires, freedom, pride etc on a second to second basis.
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I feel like destiny relationships fizzle out because they rely on this passive force destiny instead of taking part in conscious and deliberate methods that will grow and nurture and develop the ever-changing relationship. Destiny allows people to give up any responsibility they have had in letting a relationship fail. We're getting married in February after dating for less than six months, engaged after three.
It was a big song and dance for us. We both had feelings for each other, but I was fresh out of a relationship and wanted something casual. He was inexperienced and wanted a real relationship. I thought he deserved much better than what I could offer. There was a year of ignoring what we felt before anything happened.
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I started seeing someone casually, and he chased after someone else. For months he was my shoulder to cry on, he would listen and give me patient, kind words. He came to me for advice on everything from asking someone out to when to hold their hand. It was really cute. The person I was casually seeing ended things and I was hormone-city for a few weeks. The girl he was chasing didn't work out. We were alone in the apartment we share with friends as a gaming center.
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There's only a pull out couch, and we had been used to splitting it before, each of us never touching the other. There was sparks all night between us, we were laughing and I played with his hair. As we went to sleep, I started inching closer to him. He also started in. I stole his first kiss. I stole his virginity. It was an amazing night that I will never stop smiling about. The next day he told me he loved me, and I didn't run away, or any of my usual "I don't deserve happiness" tactics. It felt natural, it felt right. A few weeks later we were jokingly asking the other for their hand in marriage.
And then we realized we wanted it. Actually, truly, wanted that.