- The Teenage Mind
- The Teenage Mind | Dr. Laura's Blog
- Teen Dating 101
- My Kid Is Going Through the Terrible Twos … AGAIN!
Meeting people on the Internet is not a very good plan.
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According to the journal Pediatrics, a third of teenagers reported having offline meetings with people they have met on the Internet. Not too many predators are even pretending to be kids anymore. Young girls who are abused sexually or physically or neglected because their parents are either divorced or too busy with full-time careers are the most likely to present themselves online in a sexual or provocative way.
If someone is looking for a vulnerable teen with whom to start an online sexual discourse, they will most likely target someone who presents themselves provocatively. This also occurs with minor gay males, who are confused, scared, hiding, or being rejected by their parents. So, how can you protect your kids from online predators? You have to be there to parent.
The Teenage Mind
Like any other job, being a parent requires you to show up and put in effort. For example, in order to be a surgeon, you have to be in the operating room. Paying attention to your kids is the best medicine and best method of control.
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Kids who are loved and well taken care of, by and large, have more self-control and get into less trouble — online and elsewhere. I want to discuss a handful of reasons why teens resist treatment:. Anything associated with therapy or mental health issues is a little bit of a taboo. Teenagers have a limited capacity to look at themselves honestly or realistically. They also may be scared to death of having to take a deeper look at themselves or their problems. This is what my book, Bad Childhood — Good Life , is all about. So, those are some of the main reasons kids resist treatment.
But the question still remains: How do I get my child to attend therapy? There are two really good techniques I have always suggested to parents:. Make it a team effort. Make a definitive statement e. When they start therapy, tell your child you want them to go to four sessions, and then after that, you, your child, and the therapist will discuss if there is more to do. During the first session, your teen will usually be angry. I remember I used to have so many kids come in to my office and just sit there and glare at me for an hour: Slowly but surely, by the third and fourth sessions things will be less forced and more about reducing the pain.
While your child is in therapy, the family has to be very supportive at home. Instead, it should be all about subtle reinforcement e. A couple months ago, I was in a clothing store looking for a pair of jeans when I saw a man shopping with his year-old daughter. His daughter went in to the dressing room and when she came out, she was wearing something that would have revealed her pubic hair if she had any. Is this how you want boys to see your daughter?!
Another time, I was at the movies with my husband and I saw this really attractive, voluptuous year-old girl who was the walking stereotype of a bombshell blonde. She was wearing pants that barely stayed above her waist and a tight shirt that dipped down just over her nipples and exposed her midriff.
She was surrounded by about five boys who were chatting and laughing with her. There has been enough research to show that teenage girls who wear sexualized outfits are judged as less capable, competent, determined, and intelligent than girls who dress modestly. Men in particular look down on them because they see them as sex objects. Furthermore, girls who dress like sluts have lower self-esteem. The reason why teen girls want to dress this way is two-fold. First, kids face a great deal of pressure to fit in. A lot of parents are too busy with their love lives or work lives to give a damn about their kids.
He is on probation, gets drug-tested and must perform community service. She pays his rent. I think my most heart-wrenching breakup happened in early high school. Kisses were just quick pecks, and there might be some hand-holding or an arm put around you at the movies.
There was no sex. I was devastated and began crying my brains out. There had been no hint from either one of them, and I had never even seen them together. Of course, that was the end of our friendship. I told my parents about it, but you know how parents are. But it was totally devastating to me. Evidently by this time, the news had ricocheted around the class and everybody knew about what had gone down. All sorts of people were coming over to me offering support and saying how terrible it was. It went a long way in making me feel better.
The Teenage Mind | Dr. Laura's Blog
Cool-headed Strategies for Parenting Tweens and Teens. We asked Kastner for the answers you need to know. I call it the "swirl in" technique. Start on the outside of the topic of socializing, and hunt and peck. Who's in the group going to X's house Friday night?
Teen Dating 101
What movies do guys want to see? To keep it from being an interrogation—leading to shut down—it's good to just make it chit-chat in an effort to get the teen interested in a few topics so that they enjoy sharing. By accident, you may hear some names that crop up more and more. Living with a mood swingin' tween. To get any personal info on your teen's dating, it's usually helpful to have some "grapevine" info to start with, like, "I heard that you and Sarah were going out … could you tell me about this? I'd rather hear the real scoop from you than have to rely on gossip. Privacy is the rule—so don't feel bad.
Just because another mom has a Chatty Cathy, that doesn't mean your Clam-up Kid is "less close" to you.
My Kid Is Going Through the Terrible Twos … AGAIN!
All we can do is try to strike up conversations that may give us some clues over time. If we stay respectful and keep sniffing around the perimeter of their social worlds, we'll usually learn something of their romantic world. The term "dating" is hardly used anymore. Younger teens usually pursue their romantic interests via texts and third parties who scout out whether the other party is interested.
Younger teens may "go out" meaning: Teens, especially those in high school and college, may refer to "hooking up," and that term can include anything from kissing at a party to sexual intercourse. One of the teen trends is to socialize in groups. Teens deny that any coupling up is occurring so that teens can maximize their independence. Parents allow more freedom when they don't think dating or sexual interests are part of the mix.
This is where the parent network can really come in handy. Parents should tune into the grapevine: Your teen may not be talking, but usually one of them is. What hasn't changed over the decades is that sexual and romantic interests start at or before puberty.