See what that future is, don't throw it away on a gamble. The postscript to my story is that I realised my horrible mistake and became friends again with the great girl I had foolishly let slip away. Remarkably, she was prepared to forgive me for my incredible stupidity in dumping her and we started going out again.
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She's now my wife. She's the best thing that has ever happened to me. Personally, I consider having great chemistry to include at least some sexual desire. How do you feel about her not wanting to have sex or fool around? I understand some people are asexual , and if you fit in this category, perhaps this is the perfect relationship for you. Dump her, forget her and move on. I'm not suggesting you go wild - in fact promiscuity can lead to deep regret and unhappiness - but find a girl with whom you can develop a healthy adult relationship with.
Ten years with the breaks on stinks of some kind of psychological disorder. Nthing what everyone else says. Either she's not into you romantically, not into ANYONE romantically, or paralyzed with fear that advancing the relationship will put you in new situations that may lead to the realization that you're incompatible.
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Your relationship will change dramatically when if? It's not fair for her to drag this out until you're old and far too invested in the relationship to leave. Yes, you will regret not playing the field, especially if you figure out she's not right for you when she finally does allow this relationship to advance the mere fact that she's holding it up when you seem to want to move forward signifies problems already. I don't think that fear of being alone is EVER a good enough reason to stay in a relationship. Either you want to break up with her, or you want to stay with her.
Stop factoring these phantom other women into the equation. I hope it isn't impolite to infer too much into a question, but it sounds to me like you're already starting to regret it. Phrases like "things are not not nearly as rosy as they were" and "She's religious so we've never had sex" -- not because chastity is always bad, but because you're phrasing it as her preference and not mentioning your own -- indicate to me you'd rather think in vague terms about regret than come out and say that you're increasingly unhappy in your relationship.
At the end of my university career, I decided to take advantage of the free therapy they offered to talk about the relationship I was in. I had a similar question to yours, and it wasn't until much later that I realized I was responding to some early foreboding about the relationship that I wasn't ready to verbalize yet. To answer the question you actually asked: By and large, happiness is more of a matter of who you are and how you look at life than the result of which page you turn to in the Choose Your Own Adventure that is your life.
Happy people can think of a lost love and get a little misty-eyed before turning back to the day at hand, while unhappy people torture themselves with alternate realities.
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I want you to realize that what you want is important. If you want to be a married person, that's important. If you want to have sex, that's important. That doesn't mean she should go along with it if she's not ready -- to the contrary. But whether you're sticking with this relationship or seeing if you can find somene more compatible, the best way to keep regret in perspective is to know what you're looking for, and to approach it honestly.
Fitzgerald Sjoberg at I didn't like WPWs story until I saw that they got married and everything worked out I believe in correcting mistakes, but not in regretting the things you can't change. Instead, WPWs story was nice and inspring. Anyways, I agree wit MasonDixon. I know I couldn't handle a romantic relationship with someone without even being able to fool around. It definitely sounds like a best friendship.
Which, in many ways, is a lot more important than a romantic relationship. I'd jump ship if I were you This needs to be said, especially to balance out all the people encouraging you to dump her and be freeeee. Being freeee ain't all it's cracked up to be. You'll meet people you really like, and they won't call like they said they would. You'll have a great date, and the person will block you on MySpace the next day and never speak to you again, and you'll never know why.
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You'll meet someone you really click with it, it's like magic And they'll still be in it and you'll have to figure out the best way to ditch 'em. It's easy enough to romanticize the single life, but it's hard. Whether that will be easier or harder to deal with than what you have now, I can't tell you. It's just something to think about. Is there a ship to jump? Yes, I agree, good summary of my feelings. What seemed varied, exciting and fresh from the vantage point of my relationship was repetitive and faintly tawdry when I actually tried it.
Yes, you will regret it, and yet, you can live a perfectly happy life. I married my first serious girlfriend and we have it all, but it would be reassuring BS to tell you there's never a moment where I might wistfully think, "what if Part of making that commitment is choosing to pass up all the others. Like so many have said before, you need to look at the relationship on its own merits. I married her and I wouldn't have it any other way. Wow, WPW wrote my story before I got a chance to.
Different reason for breaking things off I was in a long distance relationship, struggling in grad school, and it was stressful so I bailed on her. She dated others during the hiatus, but I never did as I was concentrating on school. After realizing how stupid I was, I tried to get back together with her and she said no dice. We agreed to be friends.
Until she realized she missed me too. The one and only love of my life, and I have no regrets at all. If you were a friend I would sit you down and ask you to seriously consider whether or not your girlfriend really wants to ever get married or be physical. I would suggest that you either marry her or break up immediately. If my friend asked her to marry him and she said "not now", my strong opinion would be that she will never be ready to get married. We all have regrets, or at least paths we chose to follow that meant not exploring other tantalizing possibilities.
In your case you met someone you loved and in return gave up experiencing adult intimacy on many levels. Was it worth it, in my opinion? I think you've gone about six years past that point. If I were you, I would insist on marriage tomorrow or end the relationship, and yes, ultimatums are okay. Then, when you're living with her, you can figure out if you two are really meant to be.
Even seemingly sweet people we love do nasty things, sometimes unknowingly. If your girlfriend has been stringing you along, making you wait, without any real intention of tying the knot, if she's keeping you as a boyfriend but really wants a friend, then that is not a nice thing she has done at all. I'd like to echo that. But knowing that there was another turning you might have taken, and wondering what might have happened if you had taken that turn, doesn't mean you're on the wrong path. Life as a bachelor pretty much stinks. For all the ones you know who are having a great time, there's a half dozen others who are not.
Those guys just aren't talking so much. If she's religious and you're not, that is probably going to be a deal breaker at some point even if you are ok with it now.
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We know what her feelings about sex are, but what about yours? If you've held out for your entire 20's, it seems to me that you're really not that curious except in passing moments , or that something is holding you back from exploring something you want and need to explore. From what you've said, either case seems equally likely to me. There are indeed people for whom sex isn't really as big of a deal as it is for most.
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