- 1. Know what you're looking for
- What NOT to say in your online dating profile - Match UK
- 3 ways to say hello to someone online
- How to write that first online-dating note
While we received a fair amount of gratitude mostly from online daters tired of finding such hapless missives in their inboxes , we also received many a request for tips on what to write in a successful first note. One humanity-loving reader also took the time to inform us he suspects we are "two former high school cheerleaders who now have an inferiority complex," a flattering if inaccurate assumption that we were once capable of killer herkies and immense pep.
While it's infinitely more fun to tell you what not to do than it is to give you helpful pointers hey, the Ten Commandments weren't written in the negative for nothin' , this week we're heeding your call. Before we proceed with the advice-shilling, though, a big disclaimer looms.
1. Know what you're looking for
Even if you write an excellent first letter, there is no guarantee that the recipient will write you back. If there were a magic formula, some genius would have cracked it by now.
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Every online dater has had the experience of reading an impossibly sweet, heart-bursting message and thinking, "Oh, sigh, I wish we could use this site to arrange dates for our friends or make new totally platonic acquaintances, because the sender of this message is clearly a lovely person. This is simply part of the numbers game that is dating online and in real life , and it's the reason online courtship is not for those with rickety self-esteem and hair-trigger rejection sensitivity.
What NOT to say in your online dating profile - Match UK
Because most of your messages will go unanswered, doesn't mean there's anything wrong about you. Certainly you're brimming with foibles, but your intended date doesn't necessarily know that yet. Maybe you look too much like said recipient's ex, or you have three cats while he or she is deathly allergic, or he or she is not really interested in meeting dates IRL and just likes the ego boost of a bursting inbox.
And as we've said before, you simply cannot take it personally if you don't get a response. That said, there are a few ways to at least make it past the person's "Oh God delete and possibly block" filter:. Indicate that you have actually read through their profile. Some OKCupid data-crunching found that phrases such as "notice that," "good taste" and "you mention" yield a high response rate.
They indicate you took the time to learn about your target, instead of just peering at his pictures, letting a drop of drool roll slowly down your chin and then sending a generic message that makes him seem totally unspecial. Everyone wants to feel like a unique and sparkly snowflake, so pick out something intriguing from his written profile his love of "X Files," his advertised salad-making skills, whatever and mention it in specific.
Relatedly, praise is always an easy way to endear people to you and a much less slimy approach than the famed "neg. Uh, a literate, typing ape, that is.
3 ways to say hello to someone online
Research consistently shows that we like people who look, move and -- critically -- talk like us. So tailor your tone to match that of the apple of your eye. She's wry and sarcastic? Turn on the drollery.
Tailor your message for the recipient. Want an easy way to write an online dating message that has a great chance of getting a reply? Identify the common ground between you and the recipient. So, why not bring that up? Are you enjoying being on a dating site? Finding common ground is great, but an even better approach is to identify something specific in their profile that you find interesting. Just hone in on one that you share or would like to share! Do you have any favorite spots? The eagle-eyed among you will have noticed a common thread in these messages — they ask questions. Yes, your first online message is a chance to show your best side, but the way to do that is to flatter the recipient by asking them about their opinions and take on the world.
After all, most people secretly love talking about themselves! For the best results, you can even combine all three tips — find common ground, personalize it, and make it a question.
Have you got any recommendations? The conversation ball is now in their court, and you want to wait for them to hit it back before you try and send another message. Once they do of course, game on! Try these tips to keep the online dating conversation going.
How to write that first online-dating note
So, they loved your opening line, and you two really do have a common interest. Dive a little deeper and start building a bond based on that shared enthusiasm. I do love Netflix documentaries!
My favorites are always the ones where they try and solve some sort of crime or mystery. Have you seen it? My sister will be pleased someone has succeeded; she actually has a place up near Napa, so lives for stories about wine and keeps telling me to watch. But enough about my family. Or have you always been based in this part of California?
Stunning part of the state, you must tell me more about it. A word of caution though — the nature of online messaging means that things like tone and emphasis can be easily misconstrued, and what you intended as breezy can come across sleazy. The Beach Boys, those Napa Valley wines, and yes, the sunshine.