- Can You Go Back To Being "Just Friends"?
- Did You Remain Friends After Dating Your Best Friend? - soompi hangout - Soompi Forums
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I hope it isn't true for all cases. I just find it weird why you can't maintain the friendship if you guys got on so well in the first place unless of course the relationship didn't end well. He was really cool as a best friend, but as a boyfriend he came possessive, jealous, and an immature drama queen. After breaking up with him, it just became too awkward and I knew it was impossible to go back to the best friend stage.
That was a rule I had since early high school myself, but now I've been contemplating lately if that was a good rule or not. Ive missed plenty of opportunities now because of it and at the end I just thought I would forget the rule xD. The only friend I ever dated I took the chance, knowing it might not work and knowing we might not be friends anymore, and I am so glad I did!
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I think that because we both held the other in such high esteem, we ended up getting hurt even worse, if that makes sense. My first boyfriend was my best friend and since we had a lot of classes together this past year although we were together two years ago o. I think he still had interest not anymore, I don't think in me but I had a new boyfriend so I didn't really care for the ex. Actually, even though he knew I had a bf, since we were long distance he thought it'd still be okay to ask me out. I dated my best friend once, and immediately after we broke up, we were kind of awkward towards each other.
And it was still a bit awkward a year later, but now we're completely cool ish years later. But we're definitely not much of a friend to each other now. Well, we weren't best friends before we dated but after we broke up, we became best friends and became closer. It was probably because we didn't last that long and we knew each other years and years before we dated. Now we're all cool and we can talk about our past and laugh about it.
By angelangie Started May 28, By RayAmbler7 Started September 18, Mention that yeah, you've moved on and are looking for other guys, but that you're not leaking intimate details about it 'cause it's a dick move and not something friends-just-friends do to each other. Your tone should reflect your disappointment in his behavior and little else.
Can You Go Back To Being "Just Friends"?
It's quite possible that while you can go back to being just friends, he cannot. Treating you the way he is indicates that he either a] can't do that, b] wants to really get the point across that he's not in friends territory at the moment or c] simply doesn't want to be friends again.
Your options are to sit him down and ask him where you both stand, or just back away. I'd go for the latter.
His behaviour doesn't really strike me as all that mature, so the asking him thing could backfire. Ran with a crowd for a while -- two couples, "Sid," and me. The six of us did all sorts of crap together, and since Sid and I were both single while the other two were couples we often fell to talking a lot.
After a few months this turned into a phase of mutual unresolved sexual tension, with each of us suddenly realizing "hey We finally hooked up a couple times, and tentatively felt our way towards sort of dating, when Sid freaked out a little and realized he couldn't handle it. As far as breakups go, it was actuall pretty noble -- he said that he had a bad habit of getting swept up in something quick, but then changing his mind, and then stringing them along for another month or so and then doing a disappearing act That was all about years ago now, and Sid and I are still cool.
I owe him dinner soon -- he spent some formative years in New Orleans and I once made jambalaya that he said made him nostalgic, so I use that as an excuse to make it every so often.
Did You Remain Friends After Dating Your Best Friend? - soompi hangout - Soompi Forums
Sorry -- the moral is, yeah, it's possible -- but only if you let the dust settle a little bit first. Sid and I stayed out of each others' way for a couple months, so we both could let that water pass under the bridge and start over. This person is not good enough to be your friend because you can not count on his civility or respect.
As you wrote the question out, you did notice this guy has treated you in a horrible horrible fashion, yes? Not speaking to you directly, but mentioning in front of you and in a group setting that he slept with someone else, when he had only stopped sleeping with you a few weeks ago - WOW. I'm going to be blunt, not gentle.
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I wish I could be gentle right now, but you have been cutting this individual way too much slack: He did that and other stuff, too because a he wanted rub your nose in his fabulous sex life, which doesn't include you , and b humiliate you in front of the group, sending them all the message that he is done with you. Only a super childish, self-loathing prick needs to act that way. He probably gets away with it because he is charming. Charm doesn't equal character. Furthermore, when you try to be nice or forgiving towards folks who have shown you exceptional disrespect and haven't taken it upon themselves to apologize to you first -- you teach the dicky person and everyone party to the relationship that it is acceptable to treat you like dirt.
I'm sure this is not your intention, right? So cut it out. I nth folks above who recommend you mimic his behavior minus the asshole aspect. Are you really over it?
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Then you shouldn't even notice him anymore, his presence at any group activity should be a non-issue for you. He's a stranger to you, and he's proved it. Take him on face value from now on. If you need to reflect privately on this -- I recommend you look at his behavior from a neutral perspective.
If you didn't know him well, but saw him treating another female acquaintance in the group this way, would you still think he was "cool" or "attractive"? Train yourself to spot this behavior sooner. Next time, you won't fall for someone who can sleep with you and then turn on you in a heartbeat. This can be a life lesson saving you from future relationship mistakes if you make it into one.
If you handle this successfully, I predict a lot of good things will come out of it. You can practice demonstrating self-respect and grace in a group setting by being positive and aloof from this drama - just move past it. If you learn to see "charming losers" for what they are, you might save yourself from dating another just like this one down the road.
why stay friends?
If handled correctly, this experience should end up leaving you feeling pretty empowered -- Good Luck! This should be obvious, but have you tried talking with him about it? You describe a lot of avoiding and a lot of not speaking, on both sides; if you keep that up, then no, you're not going to be friends again. If you clear the air and give it some time, then maybe it'll work out. If you were just friends, would him talking about having sex with another woman be a dick maneuver?
If the answer is honestly no then you just need more time. Avoiding each other isn't unreasonable until you can be around him without having an emotional reaction to things that shouldn't bother you as a friend.
I think it's possible. Doesn't sound like he is much of a friend. Be glad it happened so early on, you don't have much to loose as I see it. Be yourself, be kind and go on with your life, life is way to short to put up with pettiness and ugly people.