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- Tips For Dating While Separated But Not Divorced | media-aid.com
We keep coming here scratching our heads in sheer wonderment and utter amazement. Confounded and gobsmacked by the exception of the asshole being now the rule. I love Monty Python, but the men of today clearly had hamsters for mothers and their fathers smelled of elderberries. And we keep coming here while the men keep going to SoSuave. Sell your snake oil elsewhere. Hear me and hear me loud: I do not nor have I lived my life with the belief that a man makes me whole and gives reason to my being.
But did I believe I would meet a man in my prime and ready age for a serious commitment of some sort not even marriage! I thought life experience, knowing myself better and being more mature and ready to take on the emotional, mental, physical and fiduciary responsibilities would be approximately after I graduated college at age Now I am smarter, have more life experience, look even more attractive and have more to offer and I am being wooed with less?
It is getting worse. One way or the other I can find it. Now I busted his balls BR fashion but he is a friend and defended his truth serum by giving me the cold harsh facts. He apologized but in fairness, it was refreshing to hear from the other side of the camp and he is not a player, a Narc, an assclown or bad seed gone to pot. Dating for the last several years has had an effect. You can tell me until the cows come home and the sun sets in the west that I am EUM but after over a year of concerted study, self-reflection, therapy and this site, my conclusion bolstered by my nearest and dearest is that I am not.
I have been made fragile and vulnerable with this drip-drip method since of men dating me in the most obsequious ways. I admit my expectations were and steadily managed down as well as most of the women on here. It is the insidious nature of the circumstances and when we are completely, totally and up to our ears in the mind-effery we break down and find Natalie via a Google search that I can only imagine is akin to: Am I losing my mind? What happened to men? We come here to heal. We learn or relearn. We are being or have been programmed.
We are social animals and friends, relatives and what not is not the equivalent to the bond two people share in intimacy and yes, love. Last I checked, love is the reason for our being.
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It is our ultimate reason to exist and this longing for love is not bad, is not wrong, is not unhealthy. It is our greatest attribute as human beings. It is what motivates us to rise everyday even if love is not only the love of ourselves which is healthy in reasonable supply but love and devotion to our families, our children made in love?
We die for love. We sacrifice for love.
We give the best of ourselves for an emotion which goes beyond our basic need to survive but infiltrates everything we do as creative, thinking, complex creatures. Love is universal and specific. We thrive on love. We exist primarily on the throes of love. It is the binding agent in all our actions, societal and domestic.
Love is not rational.
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It cannot be measured it cannot be contained. Love persists so long as we are willing to persist along with it. Love is our right and honor. It makes us and it breaks us, but to deny love is to deny our humanity. Men in large droves are not interested in love. Maybe they were hurt many moons ago but so were most of us. I may have gone crackers like Quint, but I had enough sharks to make me so and I see what I see and I know what I know and the worst part is the good women are giving up and the men are taking umbrage.
They want cheap and easily led. It hurts to know that normal, common decency and basic manners are gone as well as this nasty mindset most men seem to now have.
‘Time’ isn’t the only factor when considering dating a separated or recently divorced person
I think the coldest comfort is being alone, boundaries intact, sure, but alone year after year with only the few assclowns who I finally acquiesced just by sheer force of a broken will peppered in as a reminder of what I am avoiding. I can be intimate. I can show gratitude.
I can expect support in return. I can offer and I can demand. No enjoyment or thrill. I have a man in my life who is both a colleague and a friend. He is 22 years my senior. Now some of you may say get over the age difference but I cannot.
Tips For Dating While Separated But Not Divorced | media-aid.com
I have tried but I cannot. He is closer to my parents age than mine and it is too steep a hill for me to climb. Yeah, I feel like good advice is always given after the fact and sometimes runs counter in the moment before we can judge the impact. He has his stuff but he maintains a normalcy with both good and bad results for me.
He is a gentleman. The kind that holds a chair out for me wherever we dine. He is quick to grab the tab although I throw down too as this is a friendship and should. He hates it because it goes against his sensibilities but he accepts with care and gratitude. He talks to me like a human being. He learns more and more good and bad about me over time as I do him. He can see and knows I am fragile.
He treats me with care not brusque unfeeling. He is in all respects a man I would set up with any woman in her 50s who lives in the SoCal area. He is intelligent, literate, knowledgeable without bravado and it is a mystery why he is still single although I think he gave up on the romance scene long ago. This is what men used to do! This is how men used to behave! This is how it used to be when men courted women not too long ago. He is a man of another time. He is nearing He allows me the privilege and it is as this man is a well-know established writer of import because he understands the nature of our relationship.
- Get ‘Em While They’re Hot! 5 Reasons Men Love To Date Separated Women.
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But still, he dotes and pays attentions and recalls the minutest details of me because: That is the difference between the men of today and the men from another generation. How to get a woman and landing on SoSuave or AskMen. And he is the sort of man I was used to back in my 20s dating both my peers and slightly older. His care and consideration is not a guise and is not alien to me as I dated men who behaved in like up until but certainly the tide changed in and every year the behavior is more gross, more shocking, more astonishing, etc.
I know good from bad. What has happened to my judgment over the past few years is that bad becomes relative. I might have suffered learned helplessness along the way. But I am not seeking it out. Nothing and I do mean there is nothing wrong with wanting that. I may wind up alone for the majority of my life by virtue of the fact that men have given over to the most basest and primal of urges with no approbation to keep such wantonness in check by our society and by men leading by example who are too few and far between.
Men want a pack mule. I remember when years ago, men used to lament how women could take advantage, be gold-diggers, etc. You heard about on talk shows, radio, and whatnot. Do me that one little courtesy as I keep trying to Wayne Dyer up myself, keep working on me, and keep being open to unnecessary casualties of a gender war brewing right under our noses.
I adore Natalie and she saved me. I thought I was losing my mind. Too many of my girlfriends were willing to make excuses, justify and rationalize but are now starting to come around when the obviousness is too much to ignore. Natalie reaffirmed rather than re-taught. I truly intended this to my a quick reply and found my fingers typing like Mozart banging the keys. For that, I apologize for taking up space and air time but I cannot sit silent and read almost daily these laments by women and not dive in and scream: Like it or not, men in many respects set the tone for all interactions and if we women continue to buffer, excuse, rationalize, tolerate the unacceptable then men will not roll their craptastic behavior back.
It will carry on for our daughters if it is already I believe it may be for the rest of us. We may be victims of a social decay and perversion infiltrating ourselves with every new gadget, technological shift, online access to dating, porn and all sorts of social connections conflating the real issue at hand. We can either choose to be mules or more. Perhaps the solution is as antiquated as the Greeks.