I want to know you on a more personal level. I want to be able to go up to you and just grab your arm to hold onto while we walk. I want to be able to hold you in a hug, and have you hold me in return. I just want you. My heart wants you. I dont want to get hurt. All i know is that i really like you and i really want you to be mine.
I want to be able to share everything with you. I want to open up to you, and i never want to open up to anyone. You seem special, and i want to claim that. I get jealous when i see you with other girls, i know that its probably nothing, but damn, i just want you to show me that you want me. I just want to be yours and want you to be mine. But i dont know if that will happen in the 3 weeks we have left before we go back home for the summer. I just dont know. I must appear so strange to you. Well, it would be hard to explain, right?
Always cheering you on from the sidelines, staying by your side as one of your best friends. I have to admit now that I never stopped hoping, never stopped thinking that we get along so well and that this just has to be right. I loved you so much you were not perfect to me, but your imperfections fit you perfectly. After dating one of our best friends and after she broke up with you, that side of you started to fade. I am investing too much, you are investing too little.
One of my friends recently stated that, if we were really meant to be together, you would notice me and my feelings and everything. She said I deserve better. I act pissed, no, I am pissed because I am so disappointed in you. I would do and did too much for you. Yes, you did not ask for it. At you, at what I thought of you, at everything. What I realize now… Is that I lost myself along the way. I lost myself, I lost my self-worth, I wanted to live in a reality never happening. I was dreaming too much.
Dear Asshole,
I was too focused on you. I really loved you. As someone with so many similarities. As someone I connected with deeply. As someone I could see myself with until eternity, marrying, moving in together with a cat we both love. Listening to the music we love all day, just chillin.
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After graduation and during my apprenticeship I will try to find myself again. And for that I have to cut you out of my life like a rose with a bad thorn. I will miss you. But for now, I will not get lost in those things. I will focus on myself. And find myself again. Thanks for everything anyway, and have a good life.
Sorry for being all drama. Then again, not sorry. Not sorry at all.
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We met, we made out, we talked and talked. How long did that last? I was already hooked. A few days felt like decades, and I came back to you. I tried to make it right.
But I took a good hard look in the mirror. I see my home environment, and I realized that nobody cares, they never did, so why would I expect that from you? I cared about her too, not as much as you, in a way I hope somebody cares about me one day. While I had this other girl in love with me, K knew you held a special place in my heart.
After telling her I see her as a friend, and meaning it. She told me, she deleted you off every social media outlet I had added you on. The difference between me and you?
I told her the truth. I want to thank you for ignoring my texts, avoiding my advances in person, blowing me off, making me fall, acting like you cared, purposely flaunting your life in my face, for being heartless, for being everywhere I go, for ruining the quality months of my life, for giving me insecuities, for being cold and distant, talking to multiple people while we were talking, for making me look desperate, for the way you talk, for the way you make me calm and comfortable, for making me feel like home and snatching it away from me and most importantly for not loving me back. These are all the reasons, I will never settle for anything less.
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