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- Why millions of Chinese men are staying single
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- Why Won't Western Women Date Chinese Men?
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By the time I met Jun in , I had already imagined a Chinese husband in my future. After all, I had never felt more alive anywhere than in China, a country that ignited my passion for foreign languages and writing. I realized that a new reality made sense to me — calling someone from China my family. He was perfect for me and still is.
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Jocelyn Eikenburg is the founder of speaking of China , a blog about love, family and relationships. When he first came to China, things were a lot more lax - both in this country and in the world. Obtaining official documents was nowhere near as rigorous as it is today. A recent post that went viral on Chinese social media outlet, WeChat, stated that America is at fault for the recent downfall of the Chinese stock market. What are some of the issues food agribusiness researchers and executives are talking about right now? To address this question, I had a chance to participate in the recent World Food and Agribusiness Congress.
A choice for young Chinese. The lives of stay-at-home dads. Expats teachers zoom in on China. Without written authorization from CDIC, such content shall not be republished or used in any form. I never expected to marry a Chinese man By Jocelyn Eikenburg chinadaily. Most Viewed Today's Top News.
Power-drunk Abe sleepwalking into US' arms Dereliction of duty led to vaccine scandal and endangered kids' lives Students' punishment defeats training purpose Red Cross still in the woods Xi's visit and optimism of youths to boost Sino-US ties. Should teachers accept gifts from students? Is military training necessary for freshmen? I didn't know much about China back then -- a time when I could only communicate in Mandarin with a dictionary and lots of patience, and where my entire cultural knowledge was amassed from the library books on China I borrowed during the summer.
Why millions of Chinese men are staying single
But I figured surely I wasn't alone in my feelings. Surely the other female foreign teachers at my college had secret crushes of their own.
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On the streets of Zhengzhou, China, the city where I first had a crush on a Chinese guy. At least that woman wasn't as blunt as another colleague, who used to bicycle with me through the streets of Zhengzhou.
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As we stopped on the corner of a side street and watched the mostly-male populous pedaling past us through the intersection, she grimaced. How could these women just write off all Chinese men as undateable? The question haunted me as I pondered my crush on Tian. But it wouldn't be the last time I would find myself up against these ideas.
Dating a chinese guy
As I continued to date the locals in China and eventually married a fellow from Hangzhou, I would come to realize that most expat women in China agreed with my Zhengzhou colleagues. And sometimes, their dislike was just shocking. A European woman I worked with in famously told me that, while she found all Chinese men completely repulsive, she considered Chinese children so adorable. My husband posing with our nephew. I think they're both adorable. But some of my most fascinating and educative encounters with this idea of "Chinese men as undateable" happened online, when I came face-to-face with these opinions distilled into the cold, black-and-white reality of blog posts and expat forums.
Back in , I discovered a post on a now-defunct blog authored by expats in Shanghai.
Why Won't Western Women Date Chinese Men?
The post was written by a white American woman based in Shanghai and titled, "So, how's the dating scene? In the still, he's locked in an awkward slow-dance embrace with a girl an entire head taller than him, but that's not even the worst of it. While she leans her head on his in perfect contentment, he has his cheek buried in her bosom while staring at it with a prurient curiosity that surely would have snapped the girl out of her reverie.
At the time I was only beginning to learn about negative stereotypes of Asian men that American TV, movies and the media had perpetuated over the years: The woman who wrote that post never specifically said any of these things about local men in China, but she didn't have to. Long Duk Dong took care of that. Then again, her post appears downright classy in comparison to what I've read in the free-for-all world of anonymous expat forums across China.
Hong Kong Forum
There was a brief time when I tried combing these forums in search of discussions about dating Chinese men, hoping to gain some insights, but I soon gave that up. Whenever anyone dared to broach the subject, usually someone would quickly pounce on the thread and sully it with some juvenile comment about Chinese men that wasn't all that different from that Long Duk Dong movie still.
The worst of these threads generally devolved into a low-brow, expletive-laden conversation more appropriate for a bathroom stall. Whether in forums or blogs, the negative online discourse about Chinese men is consistent with Psychologist Zhang Jiehai's findings from surveys on "Chinese Men in the Eyes of Western Women" as reported by China's Xinhua News Agency in I provided an English translation on my blog. This Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences professor surveyed over Western women from diverse countries including France, Germany and the USA via questionnaires, and then interviewed over 20 of them in a focus group in Shanghai.
While respondents praised Chinese men for certain qualities -- "looking after one's family," "willing to spend money on women," and "relatively serious about relationships between men and women" -- the admiration ended there. Negative impressions ultimately dominated as the women criticized Chinese men as "not so gentlemanly," "poor physique, not enough exercise," "no personality, lacking unique opinions," even condemning them on perceived personal hygiene problems.
One American participant in the study actually blamed Hollywood for projecting a poor image of Chinese men around the world, and I couldn't help but wonder if she was thinking of Sixteen Candles at the time. Zhang's findings -- that Western women from around the world have consistently pejorative ideas about Chinese men -- remind me this isn't a problem confined to some insular expat circles in China. It's a troubling problem, one that even gets me and my husband down. Look across East Asia or, for that matter, any country in the Western world, and you'll notice a very revealing gap in the Asian interracial dating world: A Field Report from Hong Kong.
A total of couples of Western men and Asian women versus only six couples of Asian men and Western women including him and his Brazilian wife. You could substitute Hong Kong with the name of any country or region in the world and end up with comparable results.
Even Chinese-American men don't feel the love from their fellow Americans, lamenting this in essays such as " Are Asian Men Undateable?