- The Instagram account that shames guys who turn hostile on dating apps
- Attention: If You're A Jerk On A Dating Site, Here's Your Final Warning
- This Instagram account will name and shame you.
- How Women Are Swiping The Weirdness Out Of Online Dating
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The Instagram account that shames guys who turn hostile on dating apps
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The similarities just kept piling up. Like her, he loved beer, tattoos, and pizza. In his free time, he could be found digging through all the right vinyl genres: Surely, the universe was somehow trolling her. But this apparent dreamboat was real. And refreshingly, he had date ideas that extended beyond the default meet-up at a bar.
Attention: If You're A Jerk On A Dating Site, Here's Your Final Warning
Perhaps they could go for a nighttime drive around Beverly Hills, or make cocktails and listen to records. Enticed by the possibilities, she mulled over her next move. Then her phone rang. Figuring it was a wrong number, she hung up. The phone rang again. He apologized, explaining that he had meant to call somebody else. Something about a business deal gone awry. She hung up and dodged several more calls and texts before finally humoring him with a few minutes of her attention.
Attempting to explain himself, Nathan recounted a recent encounter with a stranger: A dog he was walking had allegedly bitten the man, a heated argument ensued, and it escalated quickly. Tweten did not apologize, but she did hang up, this time for good. For many women, oddly aggressive, sometimes threatening interactions with men are an all-too-familiar feature of Internet dating.
The misconduct comes in a range of forms: Quite often, a sexually explicit photo arrives out of the blue.
- Please note, some of these contain foul language..
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At its worst, the weirdness escalates into a barrage of insults or threats, and in some cases, physical violence. Online dating can turn very weird very quickly. Disgusted by her own experience and others, Tweten began collecting these stories—told in the screenshots of online chats gone awry—under an Instagram account called Bye Felipe.
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Shortly after its launch in October , the account went viral and now boasts nearly half-a-million followers. Over the last three years, the use of Internet dating services has tripled among Americans aged , according to the Pew Research Center.
With that surge has come an uptick in uncomfortable experiences, especially for women. This perception of danger may not be unfounded. A recent report from the U. As that study points out, the general tendency for rape to be vastly underreported means that that number is likely lower than the reality. Of course, sexual assault is a worst-case—and thankfully, rare—outcome of the online dating experience.
This Instagram account will name and shame you.
But for many women, the vulgar hostility they face in online spaces feels too close for comfort, especially in the context of location-based dating apps, when a face-to-face interaction with a stranger is just a few messages away. Since its viral Instagram success, Bye Felipe has expanded into a cross-media feminist brand, complete with a podcast , anti-harassment petitions , and a live, Internet dating-themed comedy show in Los Angeles. Clearly, Tweten has struck a nerve: The dark underbelly of online dating, particularly for women, is very real.
But just as apps and hyper-connectivity seem to enable atrocious behavior, they can also used to expose and counteract it. Between startups designing more female-friendly dating apps and various forms of cyber-activism, entrepreneurs and Internet vigilantes alike are aiming to clean up Internet dating and perhaps improve offline behavior as well. Similar forces slashed the music industry in half.
Social networks changed news, activism, and privacy before anybody knew what happened. Just as Uber is rewiring transportation or insert your disruptive tech example of choice here , dating apps are rapidly rewiring romance and sexuality. These shifts almost always come with some kind of fallout.
But navigating cities is one thing; Navigating intimacy and human emotion is quite another.
So why do nearly half of female online daters experience some kind of unwanted contact? Some technological, like the ubiquity of smartphones, geolocation, social media, and anonymity. And some societal and psychological, like narcissism, insecurity, entrenched misogyny, and dating rituals and attitudes that go back centuries. But people like Carbino, whose job is to study user behavior and understand the broader sociological impact of online dating, are starting to learn. Indeed, it may well be that there is a fundamental disconnect in expectations between many men and women and that technology has put a magnifying glass over it and let it simmer.
But at the same time, the pressure to weed out the creepiness is heating up as well. But armed with data about how its users behave, Tinder is trying to shake that stigma. The app requires users to connect their accounts to Facebook to limit anonymity, offers simple abuse reporting tools which can be used to call out offline behavior as well , and has a policy of banning repeat offenders.
How Women Are Swiping The Weirdness Out Of Online Dating
Tinder tends to keep data about its usership private, and it declined to share statistics with Fast Company about how many abuse reports it receives from its estimated 50 million users. Once unlocked, Tinder Social allows users to create friend groups within the app and use geolocation to find other groups of people to meet up with.
But just as Snapchat grew out of its reputation as a teen sexting app and into a social media phenomenon, Tinder has matured into a more mainstream service that people use for much more than sex. Indeed, a casual swipe through the profiles of women on Tinder reveals a common request: You can read an interview with Carbino about Tinder user behavior here.
As mainstream dating services attempt to dial back the weirdness, they face a new competitive pressure from a new crop of female-created apps designed to make the song-and-dance of digital courtship more friendly to women. The most well-known example is Bumble , a two-year-old app that sports the now familiar photo-centric, left-right swiping interface of modern dating apps, but adds features aimed at empowering women and ensuring conversations remain tasteful.
The app also welcomes users from the LGBTQ community, and in those cases, allows either party to initiate a chat. As Bye Felipe and other creep-shaming sites illustrate, that defensive hostility can start bleeding through even before rejection happens.