- What’s the Difference Between Christian Courting and Dating? Which One Is Better for Christians?
- 1. Just Too Good to be True
- When to Say "I Love You" in Your Dating Relationship
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- When to Say "I Love You" in Your Dating Relationship - Christian Dating, Singles
What’s the Difference Between Christian Courting and Dating? Which One Is Better for Christians?
Christian courting emphasizes a pre-courting phase that values friendship and group activities before any type of romantic interest is expressed. Those who promote courting state that you can get to know someone better without getting romantically involved. Before committing to courtship, you should observe this person closely and build a relationship with this person in the safety of a Christian community and in group settings only.
Once a guy and girl would like to take the next step in their relationship, it is expected that the man should do all the relational heavy lifting. Before even talking to the girl about his feelings or asking her out, he should first talk with her dad or any other male Christian leaders in her life. Once he gets their permission, he would then approach the girl and explain his intentions to court her with the purpose of seeing if marriage is right for them.
1. Just Too Good to be True
Courting is a relationship that is very front loaded. In dating the commitment starts low and then builds. In courting marriage is discussed on day one and the two are both fully aware that they are courting with the specific intentions of seeing if marriage is appropriate for them. During the friendship phase is when you should have decided if this person is the type of person you would like to marry. You should already know enough about this person to determine if they meet the requirements on paper to be your spouse.
The big questions about spiritual compatibility, life direction, and compatible lifestyles should already be known. The courting season is really about seeing if the two of you fit relationally and want to be married. During the season of courting there is a high emphasis on accountability, transparency, and guarding your heart. Alone time is frowned upon and mentoring with an older married couple is ideal. Because of the extended friendship phase and all the time and preparation that went into the relationship before the courting even started, courting is usually much shorter than dating and usually lasts between 6 months and 1 year before engagement occurs.
The reason I Kissed Dating Goodbye exploded on the Christian scene is because there was a huge problem in the dating style of Christians at that time. In general people were dating just like the world dates. Some of the common problems that occur in Christian dating is that people do not guard their hearts enough.
When to Say "I Love You" in Your Dating Relationship
Since there is more freedom to date who you want without testing that person more in friendship, there is also a higher risk of having lots of bad dating experiences. Lastly, since accountability and Christian community is not as emphasized in dating, the likelihood of sexual promiscuity is often greater than in courting. Those who date, however, are usually very comfortable around the opposite sex and have healthier, more realistic views on relationships and the opposite sex. The relationship experiences they have in dating prepare them and give them relationship skills that will benefit them later when they do meet their future spouse.
Courting, however, is a lot more rigid and has many more safety checks in place. This can often benefit the couple once the courting starts, however, those who religiously follow the courting model are notoriously single for much longer because their standards and expectations are often much higher than those who practice Christian dating.
Christian courting does promote purity in general more than dating but it also hinders healthy relationship experiences. Social skills needed for a successful relationship one day are not developed as early and there will be lots of false ideas shattered once a courting relationship actually begins. So what is the best approach for Christian singles? Is dating or courting better? The answer to that question is completely personal.
Unlike I Kissed Dating Goodbye , I believe taking a hard stand on the details of dating or courting takes us away from biblical principles and causes legalism. I believer, rather, that the Bible gives us relationship principles that should be applied to your search for a spouse. You can take any approach and do it for the wrong reasons. You can use one approach sinfully and another approach morally. I believe God cares less about what approach you use and more about how you use that approach.
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How you approach the search for a spouse and why you are searching for a spouse are more important than the method that you use. If you disagree and you really believe in courting, for example, then you should do what you feel is best. If you have a strong conviction to search for a spouse in a very specific way, then I believe you should follow that conviction until God changes it and gives you peace to do otherwise.
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You can resist temptation if you put on the whole armor of God Eph. In fact, usually the opposite is true.
It feels incredibly good to give in to passion. But, the authority of Christ needs to take precedence over your physical drives. Society tells you to give in to the moment. Christ tells you to be obedient to His word.
When to Say "I Love You" in Your Dating Relationship - Christian Dating, Singles
Physical touch should be in the context of a meaningful relationship, not reduced to satisfaction of personal need. Both partners should take responsibility for setting limits.
Mutual boundary keeping reflects maturity. What is your motivation -- power and control, gratifying your own ego, meeting a selfish need, or genuine affection?
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If the social, emotional, spiritual dimensions are missing or lacking, you are out of balance. You should respect and honor each other. If you are a teen, you must honor your parents and respect their counsel Ephesians 6: You are subject to parental authority. Linda Mintle is a author, professor, Approved Supervisor and Clinical member of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, as well as a licensed clinical social worker with over 20 years in psychotherapy practice. For more articles and info, visit www.