Dating someone who needs alone time

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  2. 19 Things You Should Know Before You Date Someone Who Loves Spending Time Alone | Thought Catalog
  3. 10 Things to Know About Dating Someone Who Loves Alone Time
  4. 2. He will be unintentionally standoffish

I am introvert TOO! I was always the one that needed more space in my previous relationships. Now I am on the other side and it feels horrible. In the very beginning, it clicked immediately and we were in our own little bubble for about months. I definitely need space but its mild to moderate a few hours per week at the very least of alone time. It turns out she wants days and weeks apart. She has said she can spend months apart. Which was hurtful to hear the first time. I prefer working from home alone which I am allowed to do but I like seeing friends once every couple months to catch up.

When I was single, I would catch up with friends or go on dates once per week or every couple weeks. Sometimes I would book weeks with activities every day after work but then take weeks afterwards where I had almost no contact with anyone and it suited me just fine. One thing is, I need affection and intimacy on a regular basis.

When I am in a relationship, I want affection but its ok if there is time and silence in between it is stable and secure. Now, that I am with my girlfriend, I could see her everyday and not have a problem. I am capable of being in the same room as her and zone out into my thoughts easily and feel refreshed. She does not feel that way, at least not anymore. We moved in together after 4 months and the fights started.

It was the first time either of us lived with people we were dating. Previously, we both lived alone. She was trying to be something that she thought I wanted, in essence, someone not as introverted as she is. She has other trust and dependency issues apart from being an introvert.

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Her childhood made her a small adult very early on and had to care for herself and her family. I moved out last month because it was breaking us emotionally trying to stay together.

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I offered her a month, where we would not see each other at all. Unfortunately, after this year of fighting and heartache, I cannot stay in contact with her during this month that she has now agreed to. I feel rejected when I see her post something happy or silly on her social media accounts with her friends and talks about her interactions at work or the gym. Perhaps she is not that into me. She tells me she loves me and that she wants to make this work. I feel like toy on a shelf that she can call on to play when SHE in the mood.

In many relationships there is a pursuer and distancer. This dynamic often does not show up until after the honeymoon phase.


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As soon as the relationship is viewed as permanent by one of the partners, the push and pull begins. The introvert could be the distancer but so could the partner who is less introverted. It has a lot to do with their attachment styles see my posts on these and being in the power struggle stage of a relationship.


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  5. Could she do that for you? She would have to learn how to let you help her regulate her nervous system.

    19 Things You Should Know Before You Date Someone Who Loves Spending Time Alone | Thought Catalog

    You said you can relax with her around. You are able to rely on your relationship to regulate your mood in a positive way. If you can provide a safe emotional space where you both can be yourselves even if it means her asking for space sometimes then your chances of connecting are better. Connecting leads to intimacy and calmer nervous systems.

    Wishing you the best with your relationship. I am available for coaching for further exploring.: It helped clarify a lot of things as I am extroverted. I come back to this because although I am extroverted, I am a highly emotional one that needs her space. But I need a great deal of time a lone at least a day or two a week spread out.

    The kicker is because I am extroverted I will get depressed if the alone time goes for too long since I do get my recharge by being around people. My alone time is for deep reflection etc. I have read a lot of these replies and now that I am doing more self work I can see myself in a lot of these posts that introverts write. The idea of sleeping in separate bedrooms or living in separate houses has always appealed to me. Its a rough contradiction to need a fair amount of alone time but physically have the need to be recharged by people otherwise I get in a deep depression.

    This could be nurture vs nature as I had a pretty rough upbringing.

    10 Things to Know About Dating Someone Who Loves Alone Time

    I wonder if there is hope for me to find someone but I am having significant doubts. I actually believe that space2live is geared more toward the Idealist than just the introvert. Idealists are relationship and meaningful work oriented. It is very important to us to be our true selves. Because we strive to have good rapport and positive relationships with everyone we have excellent diplomacy skills but all that harmony seeking takes a toll on us.

    We simply have to get away from others in order to find relief. The P in your type will also leave you wanting freedom to create your own schedule. We Ps can be very motivated and active but we work best on our own timeline and on activities of our choice. Your enthusiasm and energy are incredible when you are well rested and allowed to follow your excitement.

    Practice self-care when it is ebbing. Get away from it all.


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    I recommend finding another NF. Although, any other temperament can work too as long as there is mutual appreciation and a willingness to learn about each other. I actually talk with a lot of extroverts like you.: First, I wanted to just say thank you for this excellent blog.

    Most of the relationship blogs articles on the internet seem to be written from the perspective of extroverts, and using that lens to analyze and ascribe often incorrect thoughts and emotions to introverts. So it was just a joy to stumble upon your blog. Our introvert-extrovert relationship, I and we feel is incredibly expansive and energizing.

    Rather, and this is a bit of a paradigm shift for me, we have many huge differences, which seem to be complementary, and embrace them in a positive way. Most of the time this works, and works well. However, I admit, It can be difficult to think from the other persons perspective, all the time.

    The Real Reason Why Men Need Time Alone - John Gray

    For example, we have very different communication needs. I work long hours in finance, and have very little capacity for relationships.

    2. He will be unintentionally standoffish

    We also do not live in the same time-zone so we see each other infrequently. I am fine with not speaking everyday, but, I do appreciate some sort of electronic communication daily just to stay connected. Sometimes emails go unanswered, and although I try to reassure myself that this is natural. But I am not a robot and do feel a bit rejected and bit despondent at times.

    Personally, I do not feel like a particularly needy man. And honestly, I have a hard time coping with feeling that I am the needy one! My question is simply: If appropriate, how could I frame the discussion to make it less threatening or demanding. Or am i asking for too much? Part of me feels that perhaps I should just accept her the way she is, and not try to change anything. And most of the times I do feel this way. Sometimes a bit of signalling or just a one-liner would help. I realize that you wrote in to this over a year ago.