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Living together means you can see them more often and spend more time with each other and do things together. I think moving in in the first three months is a big mistake. I was dubious then and though I had my own mind ha, ha , but perhaps the one-year mark plus or minus is not that far off. You will be in love and having a time of your life. And why would you rush into getting married when you are having a perfectly good time being in love and living together.
I like that expression, no fire. The only thing is, if you feel there is a fire you might act in panic. You might end up signing up for stuff you will have no idea was included in the deal and also subject your future children to that deal. I want to say proceed with caution and armed with what Natalie teaches about.
I have done that, my kids dad died when they were little and it was back breakingly hard at times but I would do it over again. Things just sadly end up being far away from fairy tales but life can be still so good.
Back to the beginning. I feel I can deal with it should it happen. He will be an entirely whole person with his own thoughts, feelings, desires, emotions, plans. Take one of my sisters for e. Her marriage breaks down. She starts seeing another guy. He lives in a flat with his pal a shared mortgage.
Then he stays over so many nights a week that he just stops going home. No marking of the occasion. There was no occasion. Eventually they buy another, bigger, house together. Sister sells her home and thousands of pounds of her profit on the sale goes as a down payment to the new home. Guy does not sell his home — he invests nothing on the grounds that his pal still lives in his previous home. She keeps saying she wants out of the relationship but she now cannot afford to buy her own home again. She cannot ever get back to the position as independent home owner that she was in before she met him.
I have seen this kind of thing lots of times causing all kinds of problems, both practical and emotional. It often happens by default — because someone stayed over so many nights that they just never went home again! Fearless, that exactly has happened to me once — the guy in question slowly dragged all his stuff over to my place, visits extended to 7 times a week and then he proposed that he rents his flat out, so HE can have some extra income while trying to muscle in on my business at the same time.
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So I packed his stuff for him. It is really important to take your time and get to know them and get to know how YOU feel about them. And how to get out. Living together is certainly a big deal. I did this about 3 years ago with someone I was in a relationship with.
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The good thing was this relationship ended amicably. But it was still too soon. Living together does not always mean you have to sell your place. You could rent it out to someone else and move in with your partner. I guess you have to take things into consideration, I would not like to just end up living with someone because they just happened to be there, to me it is a joint decision and may take a number of things into consideration like the finiacial arrangements and where you will live etc etc.
Sometimes I do judge my journey by the question can I live with a guy? This is silly since I have yet to meet a guy who wants to date me and me him, but at the same time I can see issues in my life that still need dealing with that have come from asking myself this question.
Thanks for the food for thought, Tierd. Probably the most basic thing I need to grasp is that I have a choice I can opt out of relationships.
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One of the partners will likely feel inconvenienced and short-changed — at best. I speak for myself when I say it has been messy enough without all of the moving in and moving out to deal with as well.
Ex EUM comes to mind! And that I was okay with that for so long says a lot about me and my attitude to commitment! Somehow, the thread went from dating as a discovery phase to moving in together. To give her credit, they lasted 3 years and she thrived and almost finished school before thing went tits up. Dear lord, dating really, really is a discovery phase.
Moving in after 3 months leaves me shrieking into the night. Seems like my 22 year-old daughter just discovered it.
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I moved in with the first bf after dating a few months because I went on a trip, he kept my stuff, and when I came back I just went where my stuff was. To be fair, my mother seemed to sniff at the idea that after 3 months of dating, that he might not want to have me move in! Took me almost 6 years to disentangle myself. Your post made me think of my friend, who has a daughter who just turned My friend now wants to point her daughter to BR. I think that is true.
Though I appreciate other people are in different circumstances; they may have less to lose and have no children to consider. I either have to do it all on my own besides my full-time job packing and unpacking boxes, painting walls, putting shelves up on the walls, do whatever legal work is involved, supervise the movers, get new furniture that fits into the new place if needed and so on or hire costly help.
Of course, I might qualify as EU because of this. I really think months is way too soon to be moving in together. How well do you really know someone within 1 month? You can be committed and spend all kinds of time together without living together—hell, you can see each other every evening if you like. Intimacy and progression can happen while living in separate homes.
The first few months should very much be a discovery stage…. Another way to look at it: At the very least I would worry that he was a fast forwarder…. I thought it was just me who found most of my stuff at his house or found his stuff at my house and we moved in. I will not be signing the lease for the next guy she decides to move in with after 3 hot months.
I can hardly wait to turn her on to BR. Hugs to you all. Screaming loudly into the night…moving in after 3 months…yikes. Tired, I think this one depends on a lot of personal preferences. Other than my bulldog. In a good relationhip, their ass will probably still be there in two months haha!
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I need to ponder. I think and each time there was a definite point where I felt like loading all my stuff into my car and driving it off a cliff and into the sea. But what is easy in life? Things take effort to do.