- How long should we wait before trying to be friends? - friendswithex excontact | Ask MetaFilter
- Dating Your Friend's Ex
- When Should You Go After Your Friend's Ex?
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September 21, We tried going straight to being friends after breaking up, and it wasn't working so I asked for some time apart. We get along really well and could have a great friendship, but I want us to be ready and not screw up a potentially great friendship by not spending enough time apart? So how do I know when I'm really ready to be friends again? We dated for several months, and broke up because he didn't love me any more. On my end, I agreed that the break up was the right thing because for me he was a bit more Mr. Right Now than Mr. We get along pretty well, but there are a few reasons why I couldn't see us lasting in a long term relationship.
I had been sticking with it because I was in love, and it was fun, and I wasn't looking for anything too serious. So I was heartbroken, but knew it was for the best. After the breakup we went straight to being friends, but it wasn't going so well. I finally decided we needed some time apart to really get over things and get used to being apart. He cried, I felt bad, I insisted, but we set a date that we were going to hang out partially because we already had plans, partially because I felt like the open-endedness of "don't call me, I'll call you" was the hardest part.
How long should we wait before trying to be friends? - friendswithex excontact | Ask MetaFilter
That is in 3 weeks. In the meantime, I asked him to block me on FB because I'd probably end up stalking him daily otherwise. So how do I know when I'm really ready to be just friends? Right now I'm still in that phase where I see something funny and want to text him a picture, tell him about my day, etc. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not, because we are good friends. The part that was hard for me was when he would be a little flirty, or the idea of him with another girl, or the time he got super jealous when I flirted with another guy in from of him So clearly we both have stuff to get over.
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Is a few weeks of absolutely no contact enough time? Should I just wait until the night we're planning on seeing each other and see how things are then? Should I force myself to wait the 3 weeks, or if I go a couple days without thinking about it is that a good sign? For people who have become friends with an ex, how long did you wait and was it long enough or not and why?
Dating Your Friend's Ex
How long have you gone without talking so far? Sorry if I missed something. Wait the three weeks, see him, and find out if it sends you into an emotional tailspin. If it does, then you need more time - probably a bunch more time. It's not totally clear how long you have been broken up, but the last time this was an issue for me, our starter separation time was three months , and it was probably six months after that before we were both really ready to just be friends.
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Honestly, if you're at the place where you're still upset by the idea of him being in a relationship with someone else, then it's probably much to soon for anything other than super-casual contact, if any at all. But there's not like, some kind of absolute hard-and-fast amount of time -- it's whenever you feel like you've left the baggage of the relationship behind you, and no one else can be the judge of that for you.
If you have to force yourself to not see him, it ain't time yet. If you have the urge to stalk his FB profile rather than just click and oh hey vacation pictures whatever, it ain't time yet. If the idea of him seeing another girl fills you with dread and not happiness because yay your friend is seeing a new person, it ain't time yet.
You'll be over him when you stop worrying about being over him, because he's no longer on your mind all the time. There's no hard and fast rule. For some people, a few weeks of no-contact following a relationship of a few months is fine. Other people will need more or less. If you're counting the days until Contact, then you're not ready for it yet, is my guess. If you're spending a bunch of time trying to figure out when you can see him, you shouldn't see him.
Also, take into account how long it will take him to get over you. It's always asymmetrical and even if you're over him, trying to be friends with him if he's still carrying a torch for you isn't going to do anyone any good. A couple days of "enforced" no-contact. Before this we were hanging out maybe once or twice a week we're both in school, and frequently studied together, so that's a lot of our "hangout" time and texted anywhere from every day to every few days.
We broke up at the end of June. Okay, well for me the answer changes if you're talking 3 weeks total or 3 weeks and you've already been without contact for months Not excited, not giddy, not nervous, but comfortable and cheeful. This doesn't sound like it. Don't let him pressure you, either--of course it's easier for him to get over it, he fell out of love already and he knew the breakup was coming.
These things rarely go well, and usually involve a lot of drama on one or both sides. Yeah, 3 weeks total sounds really unrealistic, especially if you will see things that remind you of him often. Plus, like I said, the goal is comfortable and you still seem really nervous. When if he wanted you back, you'd say no. If he was marrying someone else, you'd be happy for him. If you regard him as a friend, not an ex. It would probably help if you start loving someone else instead, too. Realistically, this will probably take you a long time.
Like even a year. I wouldn't even try friendship with this guy for a long while. I'm sorry, you also asked for anecdotes I have one ex that I ended up being friends with after we broke up. There was never a particular period of explicit no-contact -- we broke up Fourth of July weekend, and then we both had very busy summers living in different parts of Brooklyn, so it wasn't really an issue for three months at least.
We had enough mutual friends that we ended up hanging out at events, and we saw each other around online.
When Should You Go After Your Friend's Ex?
Eventually I started another serious relationship, and my boyfriend and my ex got along very well just as casual guy friends, which helped a lot. But things with my ex had never been super-serious to begin with -- in hindsight, we never should have dated each other in the first place, as we were much much better as friends than as a couple. And now I'm not friends with him anymore at all, and haven't spoken to him through so much as a text message in years, because he started dating and later married a woman whose own history made her incredibly insecure about ex-girlfriends.
She forbade him to ever talk to me, or anyone who was more my friend than his, and that was it. Which is to say that sometimes the friends-with-exes thing isn't really something one has a whole lot of say about. I hope you two figure out a way to be friends again in the reasonably near future, but be prepared for the possibility that it might not work out for any number of reasons.
Oh, and not to thread-sit I'm not into him any longer, have no desire for a relationship, though there are lingering emotions. I know he doesn't want a relationship but would be happy with FTW, which is strictly off the table. It's the prospect of him making a move on me that makes me most uncomfortable. Honestly, wait a few months. At least 6, if not a year.. Three weeks isn't enough time.
You'll be ready to be friends, perversely enough, when you don't find yourself strongly wanting to communicate with him on a regular basis. You'll think of him and have pleasant but not especially strong feelings. You'll think "Oh, Fred and I should totally go see that movie! The intensity and urgency of your desire to talk will be parallel to what you have with your other friends.
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If someone can explain; please do. If anything, in my mind, it should be a sign that your friend who was clearly into your girlfriend while you were a thing respected you enough to not get it on with her while she was already with you. If my friend turns out to be into my girlfriend, that means he has forcefully fought his urges and desires all this time, just because he didn't want to ruin the relationship that I had. That's a great act of friendship right there. The one situation is which I can understand this attitude is if the relationship ended on really bad terms.
So bad terms that you never want to see your ex again in your entire life. Then it'd be sort of annoying if she was hanging around your friend all the time. If I broke up with my boyfriend now and thought for a second that one of my friends would go there in a month, we would have some serious problems. I'm also guessing you're either a teenager, you don't actually give a shit about the guy you just don't want to deal with him potentially being angry at you or you haven't had too many girlfriends.
I can't see why else you'd be so intent on chasing after a friend's ex. I just think it's a shitty thing for a friend to do and I'm glad you aren't one of mine. Depends on the specifics and when it feels like things are at a good time, so it's not something you can generalise. Saying that, I broke up with my girlfriend and she was with someone else the next day. I felt a bit annoyed but it's not really my business what she does afterwards, and I don't see why it should be.
Nonononono, you can't just break the Brocode like that, Bro's before hoes.