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- To Mormons, With Love from Your Non-LDS Neighbor
Our two older boys were running around the yard enjoying the pleasant weather. Mormon Life as a Non-Mormon Adapting to life in Mayberry seemed effortless at first—beautiful scenery, kind neighbors, and a quiet, predictable life rhythm. As the weeks turned into months and months turned into years, I finally gave up all hope for this group ever developing in Mayberry. Like any move to a new neighborhood, it takes a while to make friends. Most people are neighborly and invested in the safety and vibe of their chosen home, but the gift of a true friendship emerges slowly.
I can now say I have friends in Mayberry, including a couple of lifelong gems, but it took much longer than I anticipated to cultivate these relationships. In hindsight, it was my bad. Culture shock and paranoia hit me from left field and sabotaged many well-intended attempts from others at friendship.
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The non-member grapevine and there is one fueled my neurosis. Undoubtedly, a few people were sincere in their friendship attempts, but I believed everyone was trying to convert me. Even the neighborhood kids. I am a quiet, questioning, non-LDS Christian. I have read the Book of Mormon and sections of the Doctrine and Covenants. It would be a very awkward dinner party if we all got together.
I know there is no file. Mixed messages, wrong information, different answers to the same questions, loneliness, paranoia, culture shock, and legitimately busy women created a vicious cycle in my mind. I was wrapped around the axle. No Relief I was periodically invited to Relief Society activities. I was hungry for friendship but not interested in conversion. My friend told me if I ultimately was not interested in converting, the invitations would likely cease.
Her answer discouraged me from attending Relief Society activities for the first few years, even though other women told me I was welcome regardless. During the height of my paranoia, I was suspicious that any attempts to befriend me were rooted in Church obligations and not genuine friendship. One day a neighbor knocked on my door to invite me to a Relief Society function again. This was a gal I thought I had things in common with outside of our faiths.
Roll out the pool! And we all lived happily ever after. Because of my personal revelation that I was different, I further tormented myself by wearing an uncomfortable Mormon filter.
Non-Mormon guide to success in Utah
Even though my basic personality and mothering style were old fashioned and Chris and I went to bed earlier and were quieter than many of our neighbors, I felt compelled to portray a Sandra Dee meets Martha Stewart meets Earth Muffin image. When the doorbell rang in the evening and I had a glass of wine poured, internal sirens blared in my head. I was like a running back, shoving my kids out of the way so I could hide the glass in a cabinet, grab a piece of gum, and fluff my hair before answering the door.
I was annoyed by the Mormon-ness of everyone, yet I desired to be liked.
My efforts at a squeaky clean image were not completely disingenuous, because a part of me liked the idea. But that reality is a stretch for any person. Trying to hide anything is exhausting. I felt tired, frustrated, and lonely. Not one person shamed me for being me.
These were my own self-imposed thoughts and restrictions. Separation of Church and. Nothing Once I fully understood and accepted that the Church was the hub of all social activities in Mayberry, I was able to loosen up and have fun at the soiree du jour. But it took a while. For instance, it was odd to me that almost all social events were church-driven, not neighborhood- or relationship-driven. Mormons are like manure in a garden, spread out it does a lot of good, but if it you get too much together it starts to stink. Having been born and raised in Provo and calling it home for the first 28 years of my life, I know of its goodness and its stink.
To Mormons, With Love from Your Non-LDS Neighbor | LDS Living
I was always glad to get out of Happy Valley for a mission, study abroad or even vacationing. Yet, when I finally moved out of Provo my wife and I both felt an unanticipated longing for some aspects of the culture. I agree that there was an assurance found in Utah County.
Maybe the balance will have to be spending prolonged vacations visiting relatives. Shut up, I love you to pieces. There are aspects of it that I appreciate but when I have tried to articulate what I find off-putting about the place I stumble around the idea of a certain relentless homogeneousness. Assurance is clearly a motif in the student wards I attended. Yet for all the talk of security, I also saw a strange unease among the student population, as though they were quite cognizant with how perfect things were supposed to be. But few are so deluded that they are capable of ignoring ironies in their own life.
I am reminded of a political cartoon where it has a number of Latter-day Saints strolling the town streets.
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Young women were talking to themselves, saying: I saw this dynamic all the time. Maybe people might be just people after all. Some have recognized this and become bitter; others have ignored and become the happy, happy, happy valley stereotypes we all deplore.
One of the things I absolutely LOVE about living in downtown Philadelphia is that our congregation is so diverse that we are forced to seperate what is the doctrine and principles of mormonism, as opposed to cultural Mormonism. All this results in people only taking the time to get to know what I am as opposed to who I am. My children may suffer the same way. When one has lived asd a minority for a long time, but then experiences some time as the majority, it can be an enlightening and wonderful experience.
At BYU my children could finally experience social interraction where their personality is the defining characteristic as opposed to their faith. Realize that a large portion of the students there are currently experiencing this for themselves. They are kids from somewhere else who for the first time can be open and free about their faith and glory in that fact. Perhaps glory a little too much. As Bryce said, it is definitely a religion, but the peculiarities that are demonstrated in Utah County, among other places has deceptively little to do with religion and more to do with human nature.
When I refer to Mormon culture, it is similar to the idea of American culture. While there are similarities that are not coincidences, there are definite differences between Californian, Texan and New York cultures within that class. Drew nailed it perfectly.
To Mormons, With Love from Your Non-LDS Neighbor
Everybody giggles, but nobody can put their finger on it. So, help me understand! There are lots of nice people, but the majority of them are arrogant. The interesting thing is that it really has little to do with their being LDS. The LDS Church does not teach people to be arrogant, nor does it encourage insularity. Rather there are two factors that lead to this. This is lost on many Utahns. Everyone wants to be happy. Human nature tells us that we are most fortunate when we are better off than others.
People who follow this line of thinking use the Church as an excuse to say that they are better off to make themselves feel better about their own shortcomings. This is not what the Church teaches or encourages. What the LDS Church teaches is that happiness should come from within, and from a knowledge that God loves all of his children.
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