Between the two dates, we texted back and forth of course, and I said something about how I'm a little different and I explained how, and then he said "I am, too.
Yes, it's actual diagnosed OCD. He seems to know what he does that's ridiculous he's obsessed with the maintenance of his car and the cars of his family, and I think also with his yard , but doesn't seem to think he comes across as nervous or awkward. Since then it's come to my attention that he lives at home. In his late 30s. Now, he finished college, and is employed full-time has worked for his current employer for more than a decade.
He's also washed his car three times this week, he's very concerned about acorns hitting it, and he's texted me ad nauseam about how he hit a pothole and is very concerned that he bent his rims he actually sent a text asking me if he should obsess. So, I don't know how to deal with his OCD. I'm not generally a super sensitive person but I'm trying to be understanding without being fake, because he seems a good guy and I like him.
I don't know whether to give him a little bit of validation with the stuff he obsesses over, not do so at all Do you have any experience that can shed a little light on this for me? Does that make sense?
Dating a Person with OCD
Sorry if this comes across crassly or anything like that, I just really have no idea how to handle this at all. Anything you suggest would be greatly appreciated. My fiance has OCD. It can be extremely stressful and hard on both of us at times, but he is an absolutely kind, loving amazing person, so the struggles are worth it. We have to communicate a lot in order to get through some things, and the number one thing that keeps us going is that he is getting professional help for his OCD and continues to work on dealing with it.
I read a couple books on OCD and help for family members of people with OCD, which really helped me get a grasp for what I should do and not do like enabling when he is obsessing about something. I also have a few things I just let go, and I have chosen to not let bother me his car is always spotless and the maintenance on all our vehicles are completely up to date and our pantry and fridge are color coded and ordered perfectly.
Depending on his level and type of OCD and whether or not he is actively getting help will probably make a difference. If you really like the guy then I would suggest reading up on OCD and maybe talking to him a bit about it, and then seeing if you can enjoy being around him and see the good things about him without being irritated by his OCD. As far as him living with his parents, maybe at some point you could find out if he is working towards moving out on his own or if he views his current living situation as permanent.
I think he's getting help, but that opinion is really only based on the fact that he realizes he's this way and has been diagnosed with OCD. Part of me thinks that if he's living at home, then maybe his family is making sure he gets help. Maybe I'm too lenient as far as giving people the benefit of the doubt goes? Well, the thing is, you shouldn't really encourage OCD tendencies, because one of the only ways to combat OCD is exposure therapy. That being said, you also shouldn't try to force your SO out of their habits before they're ready to handle it.
I'm not sure the "living at home" thing has anything to do with OCD. Plenty of people with OCD lead completely normal, independent lives. Either a he lives there because it's financially smart and he enjoys it, or b he has another underlying issue like depression, severe anxiety, or another disorder that makes him worried to live alone.
If anything, I would say be patient. Try to accept his tendencies as "quirks" -- don't think of them as a disorder. If you can't handle them, you might need to end things. Right now I'm mostly looking at it as a whole bunch of quirks, but they seem to be quirks that eat up a good chunk of his time. Definitely not trying to encourage but I don't want to be an asshole and act like he's being completely ridiculous, either, you know? This was actually my biggest concern.
MODERATORS
As for the living at home thing, I'm hoping it's just an issue of saving money to buy a house, since he lives in a pretty affluent suburb and probably wants to stay around there. He could just be a Norman Bates type, too, though. I would say just don't mention it.
If you see him doing his compulsions, just act like it's normal. That's probably the best way to approach it. Living at home can definitely be OCD related in his case. Noting that OCD individuals who resort to avoidance tactics may find save haven at home.
I wouldn't rule out that OCD is part of the reason he is still at home. It could be that his routine at home is 'safe' for him and this could be stopping him from moving out. Or perhaps the actual moving out process would bring up too many triggers for his OCD so he is too overwhelmed by it all to move out. I know for me, my OCD made it extremely hard to move out, even though I wanted to.
My OCD is contamination based and I had trouble sorting through what to keep and what to throw out and grouping things of the same level of contamination together. Plus then not wanting people to touch my things also didn't help. I'm not ruling it out. I'm saying people with OCD generally lead perfectly happy, independent lives, and if he's living at home in his 30's, I wouldn't be surprised to find there's another underlying disorder like depression that's predominantly causing it.
What You Should Know If You Love Someone With OCD
I know but seeing as how he hasn't moved out then its quite possibly due to his OCD. He may have another underlying condition but he just as easily may not. It just depends on the severity of his OCD and of course what his obsession and compulsions relate to. What may help you find more patience with his OCD is the fact that he hates the compulsions as well. He knows he's asking you the same question ten times, he knows the things he does are weird. He doesn't perform these compulsions because he enjoys them, but because they seem merely inconvenient compared to the anxiety that will result if he doesn't do them.
Living at home may partially be the result of wanting to remain in a controlled, known environment where triggers can be avoided.
- More From Thought Catalog.
- whats the best free asian dating site!
- dr drew online dating.
If you're going to be in a relationship, OCD shouldn't be a taboo subject. I encourage you to talk about it. I generally didn't talk about mine because I felt like I was bothering other people with it. For instance, if your date starts arranging the flatware in a different order, avoid having a strong reaction, as it can only increase the awkwardness of the situation. Patience is key, when dating a great person who happens to have OCD. It is important to stay focused on what attracted you to your partner, and try to work on the issue together.
If your partner is willing to change and work on their issues, your patience will serve as extra dose of encouragement. Knowing what OCD is will change your perspective and help you get less frustrated with your partner, because you will understand them much better. Consider the disappointment that your partner might fell, whenever their compulsive behavior interferes with your relationship. A healthy couple is one in which both partners discuss their issues in a friendly and open manner.
If your partner feels confident enough to openly talk about their OCD, the best thing to do is listen carefully and actively. Just like reading or writing, listening is a skill that takes time and practice to master. Most people listen not to understand, but to reply.
You May Like
The end result is that the partner feels misunderstood or even ignored. If your partner is trying to tell you about their OCD and you are not listening, they might feel frustrated and lonely. The key to effective listening is empathy.
- How To Date Someone With OCD And Not Drive Yourself Absolutely Crazy.
- Welcome to Reddit,?
- Categories.
- MORE IN LIFE.
Keep in mind that your unconditional love and support is what makes their OCD easier to manage. Active listening characterizes a set of behaviors, with which you can show the other person that you are really listening to them and care about what they have to say. Try the tips listed below and your partner will feel much better understood. Even if this may be your way of listening, maintaining eye contact demonstrates to the other person that you are paying attention. To help your partner feel more at ease and to understand better what they are trying to say, use phrases such as: Utilize non-verbal language, in the form of nods, smiles, and other appropriate expression, to let your partner know that you are engaged in the conversation.
We sometimes label people and behaviors, without even realizing it. It could be difficult to stop doing that, because we are so accustomed wot it, but making the effort guarantees better communication with your partner. Check out our quiz-page with tests about: