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- year-old single man shares his speed dating experience, Singapore, Women News - AsiaOne
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- Dating Fails
Fast forward two hours later, and it was 8pm.
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Time to go home. In the cab, I instinctively took out my phone again to see if anyone liked me - nope no luck at all. I had gotten a number of matches before, but for someone like me, it never went beyond small talk and chit-chat - mainly because I was a wuss who didn't dare ask anyone out. Then it struck me: Isn't that the whole point of speed dating?
You just meet people! Without having to ask them out in the first place! Immediately, I signed up, paid, and got the details from GaiGai. I shan't go into the boring details of the confirmation process, because I pretty much forgot everything except the fact that I was going to meet 12 different girls! Three days later, I was there in my smartest looking suit, specially tailored when I was invited to a snazzy F1 suite last year as part of a client event.
This was the second time I had it on; I was dressed to kill or so I thought , but at the same time 20 minutes early, pacing the toilet and breaking into perspiration because Singapore is just too damn humid. People starting entering Vineyard at HortPark, but I didn't want to be caught in awkward conversation with the hosts of the speed dating session, or with the other dudes and ladies. I was in the zone, psyching myself up. Without realizing it, it was already 10 minutes past the time we were supposed to be seated. I finally stepped in, pretending to be nonchalant.
Upon entering, I was greeted by the host, Charlene - she smiled a lot, and said a few things which I no longer remember or heard. The only thing I saw was the empty seat I was led to. So I sat down, looked ahead and wow, I was shocked: Not able to believe my luck, I scanned the room quickly to look at the other 11 ladies - and then at the guys. I started to wonder why they were there; suddenly, all my preconceived notions about speed dating being a 'loser' activity disappeared into thin air - they were all pretty good-looking individuals! Charlene kicked off the session by laying out the rules of the night.
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If they got your names down as well, GaiGai would then share your contacts with each other. Obviously I had some lines ready, but nonetheless, everything went out the window the moment the actual interaction started. The first lady, Marilyn not her real name , was a doctor - pretty, but according to her, just too busy to meet anyone. I was pretty nervous at first, and by pretty nervous, I mean I was a train wreck.
year-old single man shares his speed dating experience, Singapore, Women News - AsiaOne
I didn't really know what to say, or if a joke would be good to open up the conversation:. I really wanted to start this off with a joke but I was afraid you wouldn't think its funny. She laughed - not because she thought I was really cracking a joke, but because she thought it was 'cute' that I was being so honest.
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She probably also thought it was ridiculous of me to want to introduce myself with a joke. Nonetheless, her laughter really put me at ease, and got things back on track - we continued our little chit-chat for the next couple of minutes.
Somehow, when the bell went off for us to move seats, we were talking about the morgue - but that didn't really matter. I had fun and I think she did too. Things went a lot smoother with the next 11 ladies; I was less nervous and I think they were too. Every encounter was different, yet refreshing and fun! Of course, there would occasionally be that two-second pause, but heck - it was the first time we'd met, and two seconds is definitely excusable.
So this went on through the night, and as each interaction went by, it become almost easier to open the conversation and I was really enjoying myself. But alas, all good things must come to an end. Before I knew it, it was the end of the night. People are just going to ask about about your job no matter what.
People are always looking for conversation topics in early emails and phone calls and a vague answer is only going to increase the odds that people want to ask about it. So, trying to fib or be vague about your job isn't going to help. Not for very long anyway.
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If you are on a service where people can directly search by occupation then maybe it's OK to be vague in your profile, with something like healthcare, but I generally favor being upfront even then. You don't say what specialty you are in, but your dates are probably going to have to deal with it soon anyway. On my third date, my wife got paged and had to leave. This kind of stuff will go off better if you are up front about it. While I understand your concern that some people might just be interested in money, in my experience that's a pretty easy thing to detect.
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Frankly, I suspect it's even easier for women to detect this kind of thing because of societal norms. Your concern may actually be the reverse. According to my wife, the bigger problem was that some men just weren't comfortable dating someone that made more money than them. So better to be upfront and weed those people out earlier. You don't want to be dating for a month only to find out that they are freaked out by either your position of authority or your money.
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There are actually valid reasons that people might want to date a professional. When I saw in my wife's profile that she was a Doctor I knew that she would have some experience with crazy schedules and long hours. At the time I was an executive and while my schedule had calmed down quite a bit, I was guessing that a doctor would be treating her career similar to mine and would have similar expectations around free time and scheduling. There's always going to be weeding out creeps.
It's part of the cost of online dating. But I found the vast majority of people to be honest people that were pleasant to spend time with. Obviously I didn't have a connection with all of them, or even most of them, but I think going into online dating trying to hide something or being paranoid about people's intentions just poisons the metaphorical well. PM me if you have specific questions you want to ask, but, in general just assume the best of people and trust your gut to find the exceptions. Thank you so much.
I appreciate the feedback. I know that being honest is the right way to go, but it was nice to hear that i can still have success being honest. I would say be honest. There is never any substitution for honesty or integrity. And you never know who a person is unless the truth is out. I would never want anyone to lie to me about what they do. If I'm interested in you, It's because i'm interested in you.
I don't give a solid fuck about how much you make. Only that if what you do gives you fulfillment and happiness. Use the pay version of the app, browse anonymously, then reach out to people who are on your financial and professional level? How many hours a day do you spend being a doctor? That's a huge part of your identity and I would not recommend hiding it.
I have my own dating problem that you might be able to relate to. Stoicism seems like a poor mans bluff to some but sensitivity and being emotionally open at all seems to be a turnoff for others but is appreciated by some. Some people appreciate the apologetic preamble, and others it is lost on entirely. Perhaps you can find guys into your brains. And like others have suggested, use your bullshit detector to see if a guy is trying to be kept. You know how to sense drug-seeking patients, apply those skills to money-seeking men.