Funny quotes on dating and relationships

Cute and Funny Love Quotes
  1. Dating Quotes - BrainyQuote
  2. 21 Famous Comedians Give Rock-Solid Dating, Relationship, And Marriage Advice
  3. 30 Witty Dating Quotes From Celebrities

Because I don't really understand your terms and you keep saying you have no interest. Right now, several billion people aren't dating you. How rude is that? Nothing terrifies me more than being so close to someone and then watching them become a stranger again. Please check out my posts and let me know if you want to share your experience: Sign up for the Thought Catalog Weekly and get the best stories from the week to your inbox every Friday. You may unsubscribe at any time. By subscribing, you agree to the terms of our Privacy Statement.

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Dating Quotes - BrainyQuote

Spice things up in a first date by wearing a parachute and refusing to talk about it — shut up, mike shutupmikeginn June 13, Relationships are mostly you apologizing for saying something hilarious — Brian Gaar briangaar November 14, Hey girl are you a jellyfish because my understanding of your anatomy is rudimentary at best and I'm afraid to go near you — Sean, From On Line asimplesean July 9, Ugh my boyfriend is taking forever to exist — Andreea ayyhluscu January 1, Relationships are like marathons, which are also stupid — Brian Gaar briangaar November 15, More From Thought Catalog.

Men are stupid and women are crazy. And the reason women are crazy is because men are so stupid. If men could choose the gender of their unborn children, the human race would die out in a single generation. It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells More Funny Quotes About Men. There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them.

Those people who have no trouble separating the men from the boys are called women. I bet after that female NFL ref throws a flag, they'll ask her what's wrong and she'll say, "Nothing. Ah women, they make the highs higher, and the lows more frequent. More Hilarious Quotes About Women.

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We wake up in the middle of the night and laugh at each other. When he comes home at night and I hear his key in the lock I say to myself, "Oh good! When you see a married couple coming down the street, the one who is two or three steps ahead is the one that's mad. More Funny Marriage Quotes. Hilarious One Liners About Marriage.

Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. My husband and I had a very messy divorce because there was a baby involved.

21 Famous Comedians Give Rock-Solid Dating, Relationship, And Marriage Advice

Divorce is the one human tragedy that reduces everything to cash. More Funny Divorce Quotes. Hamlet is the tragedy of tackling a family problem too soon after college. A man wants to come up with the right answer to this question.

Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your children. This spring I participated in a sailing race from South Carolina halfway across the Atlantic to Bermuda Which is how Stalin broke his enemies. And how infants break their parents. I was watching little kids on a carousel, some kids were jumping on the horses, some kids were afraid of the horses, and some kids were betting on the horses.

I'm not rushing into being in love. Fourth grade is hard enough. What did she do? Cute Quotes and Sayings by Kids.

  • 10 hilarious dating quotes from celebs.
  • 30 Witty Dating Quotes From Celebrities;
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The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. Theres nothing like having grandchildren to restore your faith in heredity. I wish I had the energy that my grandchildren have - if only for self-defense. The simplest toy, which even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

30 Witty Dating Quotes From Celebrities

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there. I'm too young for Medicare and too old for women to care. Clean Funny Senior Citizen Jokes.