- 4 Ways to Guide Your Tween Through “Dating Stuff”
- Talking About Middle School Dating
- Middle School Dating: Are They Too Young and Should Parents Worry?
- Understanding Middle School Relationships
Who eats meat or goes vegetarian? What will each and every decision say about who I am to the people around me? If your child wants to date in middle school, it probably has less to do with partnership, and more to do with searching for an answer to the persistent question: Also, beware forbidden fruit. You may draw a hard line against dating, but in middle school, kids can be more attracted to both people and things their parents prohibit.
Instead of banning people, think about banning activities. It may be old-fashioned, but keeping adults in the mix is a great way to slow things down. Kids in middle school mature at vastly different rates.
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While I would caution you against making assumptions about kids who have an interest in dating at this age, and what this says about their character, I would also encourage you to be observant of serial-dating. I would caution against group dating, too. It may seem like a safety net to have more tweens around, but the group mentality can quickly push boundaries. Two awkward, gawky tweens forced to think of conversation is much better than a group of tweens daring the couple to go into a closet for seven minutes.
You get the point. If dating in middle school terrifies you, take stock of your concerns. Whenever your child wants something, he or she is more open to listening to you. Use that to your advantage. This is a good opportunity to share your values , perspectives, and hopes. If you react reasonably, with a willingness to learn and be flexible, your child will trust your judgment and continue to seek it as the issues around dating become increasingly complex.
4 Ways to Guide Your Tween Through “Dating Stuff”
Learn more about her work with middle schoolers and their parents at MichelleintheMiddle. If you can't talk right now, say so. For some good articles about texting a crush or a date, click here or here. Make it Snapchat official, if you want to. Lots of middle school romance will happen primarily on Snapchat. If you're going out with someone, you need to discuss how much of it you want to be public, and how much of it you want to be private together with the person you're dating, and be respectful.
It's important to ease up on the digital PDA.
Talking About Middle School Dating
The occasional kissy-face emoticon exchange is ok, but not more than once every couple days. Be real with your date. The only way you need to act when you're with your date, when you're talking to your date, and when you're thinking of something to say is to just act naturally. Joke around, goof off, don't Try to be someone you're not. Give sincere compliments, when they're deserved. Act the same around your date as you act around your friends, which is what your date should be, unless of course you act like a total dweeb with your friends.
The point is, if you're not friends, you shouldn't be dating. In middle school, you're still developing and maturing, and different people will develop and mature more quickly than others. You might be feeling a rush of conflicting emotions and like your hormones are raging out of control.
That's because they are. It's important to take a step back, calm down, and let things go slowly.
Middle School Dating: Are They Too Young and Should Parents Worry?
You've got your whole life ahead of you to date. Sometimes, it's ok to try for a kiss, when the time is right, but only if both people are comfortable. Be open and honest with the person that you're with. Sometimes, middle school romances seem devastating when they're over. You'll look back on this in less than two or three years and laugh.
Give your date some space.
Understanding Middle School Relationships
If you're "seeing" somebody in middle school, that's great, but that doesn't mean you're married. Who your date talks to on Snapchat, or sits with at lunch shouldn't be a source of your obsession. You're two individuals who like to spend time together. Don't get desperate and needy while you're dating someone. No texts or Snapchat messages that say things like, "Where r u???? There'll always be time for dating. Try to have some dates in real life. Lots of middle school romances don't last very long, and are mostly on the Internet and at school.
It's hard to do much when you don't have any money and you don't have any car. But if you really like spending time with someone, try to make a point of spending some real time with each other, not just posting on the other's wall. One of the best and easiest ways to go on a date in middle school is to go to a dance together.
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It gives you a great reason to ask and a fun thing to do together. Most dances in middle school are right after school, too, which means you don't have to bother any parents for a ride. If you're scared of dancing, practice. Pump up some tunes in your bedroom, or on your headphones, and work on your moves ahead of time. You don't have to be super-smooth, but you do want to avoid looking dorky.
If your school doesn't have many dances, you can go to other school events together, especially football or basketball games. Go to any after-school club, or a school play together as a date. Go to a movie together. Ask your date if they'd like to see a new movie, maybe the night it comes out to make it seem like an event. You could even get the tickets ahead of time, and maybe plan to get a bite to eat, or an ice cream, after the movie, if you're allowed. Going to the movies can be a good way to make a date a little less awkward.
You don't have to talk too much, so it's a good choice if you're feeling nervous. If you have an older sibling, see if they'll drive you to the date instead of your parents. Sit together at lunch. While it might not seem like a date, one of the absolute easiest ways that you can hang out with someone you're dating in middle school is to spend time together at lunch. Find a quiet table where you can sit together, or sit together with your friends and let everyone see how disgustingly cute you two are.
Good fun either way. Offer to do little things for your date, like throw away their tray for them, or hold out the chair. It might seem old school, or like something your parents would do, but it's good to make someone feel special. Arrange to walk home from school together. If you don't get to see each other much at school, spend some time together afterward by walking home, if you can. It's a good way to be able to get some private time and talk without a bunch of people around. Make sure both of your parents know you'll be doing this, and only do it if you'd normally walk home from school.