- Stay Single, Because Modern Dating Is Exhausting | Thought Catalog
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- Finding the Time To Date
Put simply, the worst thing you can do is approach your love life like a job. I appreciate that this may be easier said than done. Dating these days revolves around the internet and phone apps. You check your email for messages from suitors, and structure dates around your work calendar. No one wants to spend their spare time on a series of interviews.
Stay Single, Because Modern Dating Is Exhausting | Thought Catalog
The problem with being too organised with it all is that you remove the fun. Dealings with your dates becomes like business meetings, and by removing the fun, you also remove your personality from the experience. During my 30 Dates Challenge, on average I was working a hour week at a major bank.
How did I cram in three dates a week? I used what I had left of my evenings and weekends, but I also made sure to use them efficiently. I did things I wanted to do. For three months, dating became my social life. Yes, I needed to be organised and efficient with it — on a couple of occasions I even went so far as to go on multiple dates in one day! But I managed to keep the dates fun, and personal to me. The things I chose to do showed the real me, not the organised person I needed to be to squeeze everything in. I had minimal expectations — I simply wanted to make the best of my evening or my day off, and I just acted like myself.
And that is the way to date. But what I am suggesting is that you relax. Then early February of last year I met a boy. He was awesome and I pushed him away. Right after that I met another boy longterm readers should be familiar with. The infamous almost relationship boy.
He was trouble from the beginning and gave me more stress than I could handle. Then in the very ending of December I met a boy who seemed like he could change my ways and outlook when it comes to dating. When did it get so complicated? When I was on my dating hiatus, I would randomly feel lonely and long for someone. But these feelings were fleeting and never lasted. After going about a year and a half with almost always having someone in my life, I question whether dating is really worth all this effort. I recently finished reading Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari. One thing that really stuck with me is that it seems that we all want the same thing yet do the complete opposite.
Most people are looking for a real relationship without any games. They want to be honest with their partner and expect the same. However, in reality this is not how people act when it comes to dating at all.
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We forget that behind that text message or dating profile is a real-life person with feelings and ideas. Sure no one likes to be blown off. Completely being cut off without any explanation. Enough of the waiting game. I need a break. As a result, we pretend not to try, not to care when in person I admit, I am very guilty when it comes to this. The problem with dating today with social media apps is that it is too forced- these apps are specifically designed for dating, without factoring in other things like getting to know each other sans the romantic tension and all. Great comment and some really good points.
There are a lot of other ways to feel loved. And I am very lucky that I have friends and family that love me. I just wish it was a whole lot easier to come by. I feel the same exact way. I am with you on the giving up. And you should definitely check out Modern Romance.
MORE IN LIFE
I have been in your shoes and it sucks. I was so fed up with dating and I told myself multiple times that I was just going to give up and let go from the dating scene. It is exhausting and frustrating. I completely get it. When I met my boyfriend I had so many walls up and I had to get into the habit of realizing that being myself and being honest was respected by him. I had so many relationships where I had to be hard to get or play games and it was so refreshing when I could say to my boyfriend exactly what I wanted. I always love your comments. They have a way of making me feel better.
I think at the moment a break and essentially giving up is what I need.
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I spent the past two days wallowing in bed, hating myself over a guy who I thought was perfect for me. Aww sorry to hear that Tina. I am totally with you.
I wind up just hating myself for thinking that things will finally be different this time when they never are. Dating is a part-time job. If you want it. Breaks are good to get perspective and just live your life uncomplicated …and be you…which is really a gift we sometimes miss on the dating treadmill. Just live my life and do things that I want to do without worrying about finding a date or finding the one.
Finding the Time To Date
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. We live in a world where people I told not to speak their mind because of fear of offending. I personally feel like we have moved from being a nation where inclusion is so important, that no one is allowed to stand up and speak their mind. The only thing that has changed though is that people speak their mind in more passive aggressive ways like: We need to go back to speaking our minds. The purpose is to not offend someone or hurt them but it does the opposite.
Once we actually decided to date, all the small talk was years in the past. Friends first is always a great idea.