Im dating a guy in an open relationship

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  3. What It's Like To Date Someone Who's In An Open Relationship | HuffPost Life
  4. I Prefer to Date Men in Open Relationships, and Here’s Why

We also plan dates or stay in like a normal couple. She was open about it in her profile. Her primary knew about me, and we sometimes spoke about him.

There was no drama. The most surprising part was it almost kind of nice at times: We casually dated, and honestly we were more friends than anything else over time.

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I dated other people and I never really wanted more from our relationship, I think because I knew what the situation was so I think, emotionally, I held back. This is one of the reasons why a lot of poly people I know are really upfront about their situation. She was the first poly person I knew, but I have come to know several more.

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Some are really strangely domestic, in a good way. Some are situations you can tell are born from a last attempt to save a relationship. We are, primarily, really good friends.


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We have a proper date night, often involving sex, maybe every other month. Other than that, we may have cuddly movie-watching nights, or go out for dinner or lunch, complain about work, talk about common hobbies. News Politics Entertainment Communities. Opinion HuffPost Personal Videos. I wish we had discovered we were woke and open to it years ago.

MORE IN Relationships

Some of these people are already in that situation or open to it. I feel as if you are getting hung up on marriage and kids as the necessary outcome of a relationship. Plus gets to be with each of us separately. So I guess she gets love, friendship, and got sex from it? My bf and I have talked about where this could go and how we feel, as we have committed to nesting with each other, and so far we are happy to have X in our lives as deeply entwined as she chooses.

She loves it - she is an active participant in the household and helps raise the kids too. So she gets to have a family. So I think ultimately the gain of any of these relationships is love So it seems like you three are all in a relationship with each other. You with her, she with your bf, and you with your bf. I guess this is different from the scenario I saw on Megan Kelly where the wife and the husband were married, but the wife had a separate and independent relationship with a boyfriend. They weren't all in a relationship with each other. I think that yours makes sense in terms of what X is getting.

She's not just in a relationship with someone who is married or already nested, she is in a relationship with both of you and the three of you are committed to nesting with each other. When you guys nest together, is children a possibility? Will you raise them in the same household? My bf and I have discussed the possibility, but not with her. I think we are all trying to work out what we have first!!

This is called a "triad" relationship in the poly community - not to be confused with the slightly different "V" relationship where two people are dating the same person, but not each other. What makes it particularly confusing, is that in long-term "V" relationships where all three people spend a lot of time together, the two members who aren't technically dating can still tend to grow very close to each other emotionally, to the point that in public the relationship looks a lot like a "full" triad relationship, if you don't know any better.

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

What It's Like To Date Someone Who's In An Open Relationship | HuffPost Life

It's not strictly required to co-habitate with someone, in order to co-parent with them Again, as a non-parent, I can't speak to this issue directly, but anecdotally it seems to me that co-parents who don't literally live together for some reason, tend not to live far apart. Within the same neighborhood, or at least the same city. Unfortunately, living in one household with three or more parents for multiple children can be one of the more "dangerous" aspects of being poly.

Third parties who don't approve of polyamory usually aunts, uncles, or grandparents can send CPS after the poly family for some version of "living in sin. Fortunately it's relatively rare, because someone has to get CPS involved but it's a fear poly parents have to live with. That is what I was imagining. Once the third person joins the household and a life partnership, does it become some sister wives situation? They share lives but Y is only partnered with one of them. And if the girlfriend wants to make a life commitment to the wife to?

Yes, they are both committed to the wife and plan on long term copartnering. Not really - although it's really hard to explain the differences, particularly because I'm only passingly familiar with the dynamics of polygamy. I think one of the stark differences, texturally, is that poly is far more likely to stress the independence of partners. For instance, every individual is usually free to take on new partners, or break off existing relationships, totally at their discretion.

This isn't the case with "sister wives" - it's assumed that all sister wives will co-habitate, co-parent, ect Also, notably, women are as free to take on other male partners, as men are to take on other female partners. More than that, it's not at all uncommon to see bisexual poly people of both genders who date both male and female partners.

Ask A Polyamorous Person

There's a lot of "what ifs" you're asking and really it comes down to this: One of the great things about being poly is the commitment to communicating with your partner s. So if the third in this example wants to have children or get married and their partner doesn't because they're already married or whatever, then the third has the option to go find someone else who will want those things with them.

We have this really unhealthy view of relationships that they have to just exist in perpetuity no matter what or until they implode due to both people being miserable together for so long. It's really unfortunate that more people don't just talk and when you both realize it's maybe not working out make a joint decision if you either want to work on repairing the relationship or leave and go seek happiness elsewhere.

And if they don't? The boyfriend on the Megan Kelly episode didn't have a wife or other partners. Who says he's going to want to marry or have children? Also, not everyone requires a legal marriage - if the boyfriend on the Megan Kelly show wanted to marry his girlfriend, they theoretically could, it just wouldn't have the legal backing of a government sanctioned marriage. I didn't mean legally. But what if he wants a "long term partnership" with her too? He wants to share his everyday life with her the way her husband does? I know some people don't want children, but most do.

And let's say he's one of the ones who do. Well, he'd have to talk to her about that. Maybe she's open to the idea of having additional children. Maybe he can have children with a different partner. Maybe he can move in with the family. Maybe he prefers a level of independence. It all depends on what the parties involved want. Everyone wants different things in life. People do poly relationships in a myriad of different ways, to meet their individual needs. He can, but one of the things you learn in poly, is that emotional desires can't always be freely transferred between partners like that.

I Prefer to Date Men in Open Relationships, and Here’s Why

Just because you have kids with one partner, doesn't mean that you won't also want to have kids with another partner. It's a little weird to be using the example of children to describe this, because I think the choice to have children should primarily be focused on what's best for the children, and secondarily about what the parents want However, the core principle is the same. One place this comes up often, is talking about break ups. If you're dating two partners, and one partner breaks up with you, some of your monogamous friends may be puzzled that you're so sad.

After all, it's not like you're single - you still have your other partner! While it's true that existing partners can be a great source of comfort and reassurance during a break up, it's never the case that one partner can replace, or even compensate for, the relationship you had with another partner.

Each partner is unique, and each relationship is unique. We all grieve the loss of any one relationship as deeply as monogamous people do - without really being any less "satisfied" with the relationships that continue. Polyamory doesn't mean that any one partner isn't "enough. While it's wonderful when different partners fulfill different emotional needs, it's not possible to carefully assemble a group of partners such that each brings only part of a full relationship, yet the total is like having one full relationship.

Each relationship is a "full" relationship. This usually comes up when someone discovers their poly-ness in the middle of a monogamous relationship or marriage. The other partner understandably asks "why do you want "more," am I not "enough? On the other hand - no, you're not enough, because no one partner can offer the potential that multiple partners can offer. However, even then, the poly person's desire isn't to have someone instead of their partner Again, it's just often And if we aren't worried about legal marriage, then he could just as easily marry her too.

So what happens then when wife marries boyfriend and also views him as her long term partner?