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- When is a relationship a relationship?
Excellent point and reminder! Now in getting to know this person if they exhibiting shady behavior, we have to be prepared to leave the situation — we can be prepared to emotionally invest, but also look when we may be making a bad investment choice. You are right, we have to be in reality and having our tool box of all the things you listed such as boundaries, self love, etc to make healthy relationship choices. We have to go into it with our eyes and ears wide open, also our hearts and minds.
A lot of what you talked about is growing up and taking responsibility. Everything you had mentioned really puts it into a neat perspective and just rephrasing what you said because I can understand it now. I have been guilty of this many times over.
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The infatuation just takes hold and there we go, down that very slippery slide to…a big hollow disappointment. Thank you for this post. I agree whole-heartedly with your assessment here. Maybe some tips would help? Amy, I sooo relate to your post. I too have done the date thing or have jumped in too fast. So, how do you really date beyond date 2 or 3, without going from ? That was a terrific article. And most of it was because of what you created in your own mind …with the help of emotional immaturity, lack of dating experience, fairy tales, etc.
This is a fantastic post about being honest with yourself and finding ways to change past patterns. I am all about healing and growing as a woman these days. When one or both people in a relationship rush the tempo, the best of intentions are swamped and the worst disguised.
Emotional subtlety is either forgotten or mocked. In the aftermath, many of us are made unwilling cynics which makes us that much less open and trusting when we find someone who is deserving. Add to that the longing to be in a relationship a respite against the increasing isolation of society and table is set for fantasizing and premature bonding which shortly thereafter blows up into hurt and missed signals. A lot of the impatience has leaked from our technological world into our social world, and dating from whatever source is one of the areas where we have paid a heavy price.
I totally needed this — and feel like you are writing this for me. I am so guilty of wishing, wanting, assuming, and hoping…. One month after meeting him, he let his guard down and showed me how angry he still was at his ex-wife and how much pain he was still in. The sad part is as I nurse my pain now 7 months later , is this is what I wrote in my journal back in July….
I knew what he meant — he had just been using me. I wish I had listened to my inner voice rather than trying to make it something more than it was. Thank you for all your wonderful words of wisdom. You have helped me make sense of myself and feel like I have some direction to heal. I think we dated the same guy. Lynda from L Emily, I read your post and just had to write before I go to work because my heart goes out to you. My story mirrors yours in many ways and I truly get how frustrated and sad you have felt. After 7 months like you I could not continue to ignore the lack of clarity in his intentions to me and the plateau of sex,comfort to him and drama that had started to constitute our relationship.
I realised that I was not in the relationship I thought I was in like you after I did something nice for him when he was away on a luxury break! He saw me as separate to his life. I did feel like I was going mad because of all the intense early fast forwarding he did,all the future fakery he used on me in the early days of the relationship were still reverberating in my head… I kept on repeating to myself like a mantra.
Anyhow,it is fresh and raw to me but… I was really at fault too. I should have taken it so slowly…. I would have watched him walk away but I would have been spared much time and pain. This time round,when I date again it will be in slow motion, honestly…. I wanted to say that you were not wrong to hope so much. In the end the true EUM as my guy undoubtedly was , is I think,very very lonely, often stressed and unhealthy because of all the quick fix solutions,alcohol,temporary relationships etc they need to keep going.
I wish you love and future happiness Emily x.
When is a relationship a relationship?
I feel like I am venturing into the ocean without a compass! Then I am just confused! Was I actually being proactive and paying attention, or was I being too pushy and should have waited a while.
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So any comments would be appreciated on the two scenarios below:. So I asked are you done with that relationship and he said he believes so. So I told him to call me when he was sure. Then he said he thought it was too soon for me to be asking about that! But once he put it out there, it had to be addressed!
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He got offended and I ended up feeling bad for asking somehow. Dated other guy 3 times and I knew he was quite a bit younger than me.
- No label dating: can you have love without commitment? - BBC Three.
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He tells me and I am 20 years older than him!! But he acted so offended that I should care how old he is that I started questioning myself on whether I had the right to ask! Since I am the queen of blowing through red flags if I am attracted to someone, have I pushed the pendlum the other direction now and I am asking too much too soon? Or am I being smart and aborting mission early on when there are some real reasons to be concerned and to hell with them if they get offended?
I am so darn confused! BTW, I do not have communication issues with anyone but men I am dating! With my last guy I also felt pressured to bring up things early on because of some things I observed. For example, he had talked also about issues with an ex. And several other things that all added up to look like maybe he had boundary or lack of boundary issues with women. He said no he really wanted to pursue a relationship with me. Needless to say, he was just pretending and had no intention of giving up his harem. But of course even if you do talk sometimes they tell you what you want to hear anyway lol….
When is a relationship a relationship?
And watch their actions closely. Maybe i am being too cautious, but i would rather not be messed around. I got rid of the guy within a couple months.