- Expectations
- DATING ADVICE: You, Him and the Not-Quite-Ex-Wife
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- How do I Date a Woman Who Is Going Through a Divorce?
Again, counseling for someone in a relationship with heavy addiction issues is a must and any insistence that, "I'm not crazy, she's the one that's crazy," is a rehearsal for his lines in the movie that might become your life if you stick with him and he continues to live in denial about his role in things going bad. If he flat out does not know what went wrong with the marriage or is evasive, insist he get to the bottom of it with you. You do not want to make a commitment to him and then find out he is likely to keep secrets from you or to check out and be so absent from the relationship that he will be surprised to find out one day that you, like his wife, is no longer there.
Of course, in his defense, she may have put on a good act and left him as a devious surprise to maximize his pain and to give her a stronger position in the divorce proceedings.
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Find out what you can about the timeline of how and why it ended. Does everything add up?
Expectations
In his discussions of his divorce, you should be able to see her side of the story at least a little and observe the habits of his that angered her. There are habits that carry serious ramifications and others that are of little to no consequence. If she disapproved of his going to church on Sunday mornings, that tells you she was looking to end things regardless of his commitment.
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If she left him because he did not have a job, that is a red flag — does he have a job now? Is his idea of a relationship to be a lazy slug and mooch off his lover? Can you mentally compare how he is now with how you perceive him to have been just a few months or years ago when the marriage crumbled?
Does it sound like he was a heavier drinker then and is now sober or cutting back his drinking?
DATING ADVICE: You, Him and the Not-Quite-Ex-Wife
Does he have bouts of anger that might indicate his ex-wife was afraid of him? Is he timid and easily swayed and you can see that a lack of a spine is what allowed a manipulative wife to get everything she could from him before she fled?
Most men going through a divorce will talk about it all the time. You might actually become a mini-expert on your state's legal nuances involving separation and community property.
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He will be venting and venting. This is often a turnoff, but you can make this time matter for you in addition to just being a shoulder to cry on. Listen carefully to what he says about the judge's rulings; the law is based on reasonable expectations. If he is complaining about getting railroaded by "the system," it could indicate that he is too cheap to pay for a good lawyer. Do you want to be with a man who is a big cheapskate?
How do I Date a Woman Who Is Going Through a Divorce?
Dig deeper with casual questions centering on why the judge would do what he did. If he brings up conspiracy theories or convoluted logic, these are signs of a paranoid manipulator. If he is happy to see things going along at a predictable pace, this is a man who does not relish conflict, and who also does not back down from seeing a task through — quite a good catch no matter what his recent circumstances have been.
If he puts pressure on you to allow him to move in with you — especially if the source of his rent is dubious — follow the advice of one strong woman's grandmother: Rachel offers psychotherapy for individuals and couples in her downtown Bethesda, Maryland office.
Rachel also serves as a relationship and dating coach for adults who are looking for love and would like support with dating, intimacy and relationship building. Dating Someone Going Through a Divorce: This entry was posted in Anxiety , Dating , Emotional Well being , Love and Intimacy , Parenting , Relationships and tagged anxiety about dating , dating advice , dating after divorce , dating issues , dating post-divorce , dating someone going through a divorce , dating someone with kids , dating tips , divorce , divorced men , divorced women , finding love , intimacy , online dating , rebound relationship , relationship tips , signs he is ready to date , signs you are a rebound.
Are you ready for a change?