- Dating Race | SBS News
- A call from 'Aleksandra'
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So in response to the earlier question you're asking Ian, and part of the reason why we haven't evolved to prefer other races, even though in fact he's absolutely right, we get a real benefit genetically out of having offspring with people of other races, is that we don't have a history of doing so. As it stands now, we simply are attracted to people by virtue of whether we personally find them attractive, whether they have the features that we personally are looking for. Okay, is there any evidence that race in itself is a driver for people's attraction to other people?
No, in general, no, and in fact even people who claim they prefer X or don't prefer it, often find that when life throws them a curve ball, they meet somebody that they actually are very attracted to who is a member of a different race and they didn't want this for themselves but that's the way it goes. John Carroll, you used a dating website, Filipino Cupid, to find a wife.
Dating Race | SBS News
Why did you specifically want a Filipino wife? Because from my understanding, it wasn't going to - there wasn't too many Chinese that could speak English very well, there wasn't too many Vietnamese people, Thai people, but Filipino yeah. So why that, that group, why Asian? Why were you looking only at Asian women and not more broadly at English speaking women? Prior to meeting Edelisa I'd had like a decade plus long relationship with a lady from Malaysia, she'd been here a number of years, could speak English very well, and despite the fact it didn't work out I had a lot of good positive memories of the relationship itself so that basically set it in train for me.
I said that's what I'm looking for, that's what I want and that's why I went down this road. Were there particular qualities that you associated with Asian women and with Filipino women apart from the language issue? Yeah, well the stereotype, one of the stereotypes that is bandied around, well Asian women treat western men better than a white woman might and the belief is, is that yes, that's true, I believe that to be true.
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Very attentive, very attentive, yeah. But really made you feel, you know, you're, yeah, it made you feel good, complete, yeah. Yeah, that one relationship so I said well, yeah, I'd like to, go down that road and that's why I constantly chose, you know, to find someone who I could speak with in my own language, who was attractive. Attractiveness is important to me, let who get that point clear, I think for a lot of men that is the first thing that they look at when trying to find somebody, is she attractive or is she not?
And it was just a snap decision, I just picked up the phone off the counter and just went to the site, will you marry me, boom and that was it. And Edelisa, how did you feel when that Yahoo message came through? I ask him, like are you serious about it? Because it's like that fast, you know, to ask me.
A call from 'Aleksandra'
We've been chatting for three months only and then he already asked me to get married. They look after my sisters, I mean they are good husbands, better than a Filipino husband. Is there a Filipino man in the audience here somewhere please?
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But I want to explore this a little bit more though, what do you mean they look after you better, in what way? I just found him like, they are responsible in the way that they are, like that's it, they look after, like also the kids, send them to a good school and they provide everything the kids want. Interesting, Sophie, the idea that Edelisa has is that Caucasian men are better at providing those things and your view is that, you know, you like it in Asian men.
I guess that I wouldn't broadly say that all Asian people are the same, it's a big continent. What I found is quite true, is that in my opinion, in my case, Korean, my Korean husband there, Han, he's been a very responsible father, very responsible husband, really interested in providing for our family and very interested in having a lifelong marriage. I want to ask you two about the actual physical attraction between the two of you.
I mean at this point where you were asked about getting married Edelisa, were you in love, had you fallen in love with this person on the other end of Skype or not? Like we've been chatting three times a day on Skype, for three months, like there's already the spark. Like, then when he asked me to marry him, so that's why I did not say no, because I already feel something that I like him and then I'm also like attracted to him.
So how long was it before you actually met one another in person? So three months after the proposal you actually met one another person? Jennifer, to what extent do social reasons drive people's choices? If you look at interracial marriage rates and coupling rates you tend to find a big difference if you look at, for example, whites and Asian unions, you find a big gender difference. So in both cases white women are less likely to be married to Asian men and white men are more likely to be married to Asian women, and there are a lot of different theories for why this.
So for example, some westernised men may look for women from other cultures that are perhaps more family traditional and want to marry a woman who, subscribes to more conservative gender roles and that certainly seems to be the case with your one guest there and thinking about having a Filipino wife. Whereas many westernised women, white women, may feel that marrying an Asian man or a Latino man, that they will have a more patriarchal approach and be less supportive of their more feminist type of culture.
I find like there's a huge difference in how Caucasian men treat women.
So just for example, when I, my English ex cooked me dinner, he would cook me dinner like from the start to finish and even like help cleaning the dishes and even like pamper me and do everything for me. But my Indonesian ex would just expect me to cook dinner and then let me do the dishes and then he'll just like play games on the internet. That's the idea of having like a romantic dinner. Okay, I think we've got to be very careful not to stereotype here.
If You Are the One: call for Australian lonely hearts on Chinese dating show
You know we're talking about people's individual experiences. Why do you have Race specific events? We program our events based on preference. So popularity, if enough people suggest a certain type of event, that's an event that we'll put on. If it's popular or successful and when I say successful we talk about a higher match rate, then it's an event we keep on running. One of our really popular events is Asian women speed dating.
It has a very high match rate so we ran an event last night that had percent match rate, meaning that every person who came met at least one person that they matched with. Ladies if you can please spread yourselves around the room at one of the tables and we'll get going. Nothing against the blonde haired, blue eyed girls but Asian ladies definitely look after the partner, yeah, and very easy to get along with. I guess Asian women might be a little more open to try new things. Just things out of the ordinary, I guess, like hobbies like car racing, and stuff like that.
If I want to get married to someone, I don't want to only marry them for their good looks only. If we have nothing in common, it's going to be like flat line. Asian girls like a guy that doesn't flirt with everybody but they just find the one they like and settle down rather than Caucasian, which tend to be a little bit more player-like. I guess that's - yeah, I think that's the stigma. It was just the car racing, he was open to try new things like car racing.
It wasn't what I was thinking. No, I don't think it was what anyone here was thinking really, but what did everybody make of that? I mean of that whole idea, I mean it's a popular event for Shaun. It clearly perpetuates those stereotypes that we were talking about, about Asian women being maybe sometimes a bit more docile or that they are supposedly, you know, well I think our friend here said more attentive to the man and will be at the man's beck and call rather than somebody that's more assertive.
I think it's a stereotype. I've got Asian friends, I don't think that they're necessarily all like that - I think it's a personality issue. To an extent it is, but as far as Asian women being docile, I'm sorry to disappoint you, they're not docile, they're not docile.
Okay, I wonder, Juliana, have you met men who you feel like you just because you're Asian in that sense, have you had that experience? Totally, yeah, I think for like Europeans, they're so crazy about Asian women, like they have this thing called yellow fever, I think everyone knows that.
Aussies losing out to dating scams
We heard that term a lot in research that showed, yeah, we heard about other types of fever too I have to say, a lot of fever going down. Shaun, I mean when you say that an event is focused on Asian women, do you find men are looking for predominantly a particular nationality? Is there one nationality that's more popular than others? No, no, I don't think there is. I think people have an internal check list, if you like, and so race specific events such as Asian women or such as European men, which is another event that we do, people come into that with one thing already ticked off their list.
So the eight minutes that you have with each person then perhaps you can focus on other things which perhaps might be why there's such a high match rate, as opposed to some broader events that we put on. We haven't been approached about Asian men events, we haven't been approached about European women events.
Katherine, you provide a match making service too.